


It's A Thin Line Between Love and Hate

by itsthedetails



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-18
Updated: 2008-06-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 22:17:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthedetails/pseuds/itsthedetails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both Jared and Jensen are semi-famous television stars when they first meet and a misunderstanding that occurs between them makes them rivals rather than friends, especially when they both land leading roles on two of the hottest shows currently on TV. As their rivalry grows and becomes more public, it seems they’ll never have a chance to straighten out their differences, until they are cast as Sam and Dean Winchester in the highly awaited major motion picture Supernatural. Will they work out their differences and discover that they can be more than just friends or will their rivalry cause Supernatural to go down in flames?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](http://s131.photobucket.com/albums/p288/Sinoftheday/Headers/?action=view&current=bigbangheader_final.jpg)

 

Jared and Chad arrived at Razor, the hottest club in L.A., and saw there was a line down the block and almost around the corner. At least there were some perks to being on TV: one of the bouncers recognized them, so they didn't have to wait in line.

The club was packed with people dressed to impress. Chad led the way through the crowded dance floor and into the VIP room. It wasn't quite as crowded, and Jared recognized most of the people here.

Like everything else in the world, there was a pecking order amongst the club-goers. All the people in the line outside of the club wanted in, all the people in general arena of the club wanted into the VIP room, and all the people that had made it to the VIP room wanted up into the exclusive balcony where the even bigger stars were.

While Chad and Jared made small talk with the other celebrities in the VIP room, they inconspicuously kept an eye on the balcony. They wondered who was up there and how could they possibly get an invitation. Just one night spent in one of these exclusive rooms could change a person’s career. Sure, having the right agent and the chops to handle auditions was a part of making it in Hollywood, but mostly it was who you knew and the connections you made.

Jared tapped Chad on the arm and nodded toward the balcony. “I heard James Cameron is up there. Dude, I would kill to meet him.”

Chad blinked slowly, his head lolling back against the back of the couch as he struggled to see the balcony from their table. “Yeah, that would rock.” His head slumped forward again; he was nearly passing out already.

Jared smirked at Chad, but kept one eye on the entrance to the balcony. As much as he usually pretended not to care about getting into that balcony—tonight, he wanted it—bad.

Jared circled the room first he spoke with a girl he recognized from past nights at Razor. “Have you been up in the balcony?”

She smiled while pressing closer to Jared’s side. “Hmmm, yeah I’ve been up there, but tonight—it’s practically impossible.”

Despite the way the girl’s hands seemed to gravitate below Jared’s waistband, he left her standing with Chad looking for someone else who might know how he could get into the balcony.

Jared found himself talking to the type of person he hated meeting at clubs. The guy was loud and drunk and just plain obnoxious, but he also was the son of some big deal director so he had his connections. “So, I’ve been trying to get into the balcony. You want to try with me?”

“Dude, fat chance of _that_ happening. I slipped the bouncer over there a Benjamin and he still wouldn’t budge. Tonight’s a lost cause.”

Jared couldn’t give up just yet though. His last hope was Holly. Holly always seemed to have an in to all the exclusive parties and clubs and she also had a thing for Jared. It was easy to spot her—sloppy drunk and dancing atop the couch at the far side of the room. As Jared approached, he could see she was already five drinks past any limit she had. Her mascara was running down her face in black streaks and the scrap of cloth that passed as her dress was twisted and hanging off one shoulder. When she spotted Jared she threw her arms out spraying the people around her with the drink she was holding. “Jared—come play with Holly. I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Jared forced a smile and wrapped an arm around Holly’s waist—mostly just to keep her from collapsing to the floor. She stunk of vodka and what he thought might actually be vomit. He didn't even waste time with subtlety; she was far too drunk for that. “Hey, it’s so loud down here, why don’t we go up to the balcony where we can talk?”

Jared watched as Holly’s gaze swam, as if she were underwater, over to the balcony stairs, an angry pout on her face. “No can do tonight, big boy. They threw me out earlier, something about causing a scene in front of a special guest. But if you want to go someplace quiet my limo’s out front.”

Jared’s heart sunk at Holly’s words as he watched his last chance to get into the balcony disappear. “Uh—sure. Why don’t you go out there and I’ll meet you. I just have to make a stop in the rest room.” He extricated himself from Holly’s roaming hands and made a break for the bathroom.

There was no one at the urinals, but there must have been someone in one of the stalls because Jared heard the rustle of clothing as he unzipped himself. His eyes slipped shut and he basked in the fuzzy drunk feeling that had taken over his brain as he relieved himself.

Vaguely, he still heard rustling and a faint groan from the far stall. He hoped that whoever was in there was alright and wasn’t getting sick. Finally, he finished, and clumsily zipped his jeans. Glad no one else was there to see him trip over his own feet as he headed toward the sink, Jared twisted the faucet to turn on the water. Busy soaping up his hands, he didn’t notice when someone else stumbled toward the sinks. This must be the guy who was sick in the stall, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were glassy—definitely signs that he’d had too much to drink.

Jared flashed him a dimpled smile. “Feeling alright there, buddy?"

The man looked up from tucking in shirt, a startled look in his eyes. When the guy didn’t answer, Jared looked closer, focusing on his face. It took Jared a moment, but he then realized he knew him. Jensen Ackles was one of the actors on James Cameron’s show—he had to be up in the VIP balcony tonight.

In drunken excitement, Jared leaned closer—his smile wide on his face. This was his chance! “I couldn’t help overhearing you in the stall; you must be feeling better now, huh?” Jared dropped a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Look, I saw you up in the VIP balcony. I could help you back if you think you could get me up there.”

Jensen stared Jared down for a few long moments. Jared wondered if he was worried Jared might tell everyone he had been getting sick in the bathroom. “Look, I won’t say anything about what happened down here. I just want a chance to get into the balcony—meet some people.”

Jensen’s shoulders stiffened under Jared’s palm, still resting across Jensen’s back. Jensen sighed, seemingly having made a decision, and shrugged Jared’s hand from his back. “Yeah, sure, follow me.”

Jared walked out of the bathroom with a grin a mile wide on his face.

 

***

[ ](http://s131.photobucket.com/albums/p288/Sinoftheday/Headers/?action=view&current=Razorbanner1.jpg)

***

 

Jensen hated clubs. He hated the constant schmoozing nobodies trying to push him for introductions—but James Cameron wanted him to be there and it wasn't like there was any way to refuse Cameron, so he was stuck, the only thing to do was to just keep getting drunker and drunker. And he probably would have kept that up all night long, too, if it hadn't been for Nate.

Jensen had no idea what Nate's last name was; he was pretty sure he hadn't even heard it at the start. It wasn't like Nate's last name was the important part. The important part was Nate sitting down next to him, talking, resting his hand on Jensen's thigh—just for a moment—and pulling it back when Jensen started, laying it there again when Jensen smiled at him. Jensen didn't usually go for this sort of thing, not in public, not when he knew exactly how many paparazzi were in the place, but fuck, he was drunk and Nate was hot and when Nate whispered, "You want to go somewhere more private?" Jensen just didn't have it in him to turn the invitation down.

They stumbled from the balcony, trying to keep their hands to themselves as they hurried toward the privacy of the bathroom. Luckily, they found the restroom empty and Nate pushed Jensen into the stall at the far end before kissing him.

Jensen must have been drunker than he thought, because somehow they went from kissing to hands down each other’s pants in what seemed like only a blink of an eye. Nate was sucking on Jensen’s throat and jerking him off hard and fast, and Jensen should have been freaking out about the possibility of getting caught with a guy in a club bathroom, but he was too busy panting for breath to care.

By silent agreement Jensen left the stall before Nate did; just in case someone came in—and fuck, someone was already there, zipping up his fly at the urinal. He had to have been there for a few minutes already, and Jensen just hadn't noticed, which, _fuck_ , he was screwed. For a moment Jensen thought he’d make a run for the door before the guy could get a good look at him, but that wasn't an option—his hand was covered in both Nate’s and his own come.

He hurriedly pretended to be tucking his shirt in with his clean hand, but of course, of _course_ the guy had to start talking. It was clear from his face that he knew who Jensen was, and he said he'd heard Jensen in the stall, and fuck, what the hell was he going to do now?

They guy was still talking—asking if Jensen could bring him up to the VIP balcony and promising not to say anything about what happened in the bathroom. Jensen couldn’t believe it. The one time he let himself have a little fun and not be so guarded, not only did he get caught, but this guy was using the information for his benefit.

Jensen sighed, resigned to his fate, and told the guy to follow him.

Once back in the balcony the kid—Jared, he’d found out—stuck to Jensen like glue. He was chattering away and talking with his hands, pointing out people in the sparse crowd. Jensen introduced Jared to everyone he knew in the hopes that that would be enough to get the kid to keep his enormous mouth shut about what he knew.

 

The minutes ticked by in his head, each one causing the tension in Jensen’s chest to twist tighter. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. Off to his left, Jared was busy talking to one of Cameron’s executive friends. Jensen signaled that he was tired and turned to head straight out of the club. He really, really fucking hated these parties.

***

Jared was nervous as hell about this year’s WB Fall Preview party. The past year had been good to Jared. Ever since Jensen had introduced him to a few people with some important connections he’d spent more than a few nights in exclusive rooms at clubs and parties and if he did say so himself, he’d made some pretty solid connections that could help him out down the line. One of those connections had even helped him get a part in _Cry Wolf_. It hadn't been a huge movie or anything, but it was experience at least, and when it came down to it, it was all thanks to Jensen.

Jared checked his shirt one more time and called out to Sandy. “You almost ready? The car is going to be here any minute.”

Sandy emerged from his bedroom and he nearly forgot all about going to the network event. She was wearing curve-hugging black pants and a silk shirt with a neck line cut so deep his tongue had to be hanging down to the ground.

The smirk quirked on Sandy’s lips showed that she noticed his reaction and when the buzzer by his door sounded, Sandy patted him on the chest and slid her hand into his, tugging him toward the door. “Roll that tongue right back up, buddy, there will be plenty of time for that after you make this required appearance.”

Jared smiled and swatted her cute ass as he followed her out the door. “There better be time for that later.”

Jared’s arrival at the WB Fall Preview party went relatively unnoticed. He took the pictures they posed him for on the red carpet and he gave the film crews the sound bites they were after.

He was off the red carpet before he even had a chance to see anyone else from the _Gilmore_ cast. He’d already spoken with a few directors and producers, and was now watching as Michael Rosenbaum pulled Tom Welling into the middle of the room, trying to get him to do the Roger Rabbit and the Running Man to an old school song pounding through the speakers.

For a moment, Jared had forgotten about all his worries about his job. When the crowd thinned out around Tom and Mike, Jared spotted Jensen. He hadn’t seen or heard from Jensen since the night at Razor over a year ago. He’d heard Jensen had a recurring role on _Dawson’s Creek_ now and was glad to hear he’d found work so soon after _Dark Angel_ was cancelled. He really wanted to thank Jensen for all the introductions that night.

Jared put his hand to the small of Sandy’s back, and motioned that he wanted to head across the room toward Jensen. Jared waved as they began to maneuver through the crowd. Even though Jared thought for sure Jensen had seen him, he must have been mistaken because Jensen turned away from Jared to the pretty blonde he was with to whisper into her ear.

When he reached earshot range, Jared called out to Jensen and waved again. There was no mistake this time, Jensen clearly heard Jared and saw him coming for him, but instead of greeting Jared, Jensen grabbed his date’s elbow and practically ran from Jared.

His eyebrows must have disappeared under his bangs as he looked down at Sandy in confusion. “I wonder what that was all about?”

Sandy shrugged. “I don’t know, but they went over to that small bar in the back corner. You could go over and see.”

Jared spotted Jensen again in the dim corner practically hidden by a set of heavy drapes separating this room from the next one. The choice was either to stand here in the middle of the room, feeling foolish, or go find out what was up with Jensen, so Jared headed determinedly to the corner.

As Jared and Sandy approached, it seemed like Jensen was searching for another escape, but he was literally backed into a corner with nowhere to go. Jared didn’t call out this time, but waited until he was within close distance of Jensen and extended his hand to shake Jensen’s. “Hey, it’s been a while. I was hoping to see you here.”

Jensen stared at Jared’s extended hand, but did not return the gesture leaving Jared to awkwardly lower his arm. Jensen’s date had a sneer plastered on her face and was actively ignoring both he and Sandy. Finally, Jensen spoke, lip curled as he hissed his words. “Can’t you take a hint? I came over here to get away from you. What could you possibly want from me? I barely know anyone here.”

Jared just looked at Jensen. He didn’t understand at all. Jensen was being rude and his girlfriend was staring daggers at him. He stuttered and tried to lighten the situation. “I, uh—I just wanted to thank you. I mean, man, if I hadn’t met you in that bathroom I never would have had the year I’ve had. I made a movie this summer, ya know? It was pretty awesome! And of course that’s where I met Sandy.”

Immediately, Jared saw that had been the wrong thing to say. If Jensen’s eyes could have slitted any tighter, they’d be closed. Jensen visibly stiffened his shoulders and coolly stared at Jared. “Ugh, you are so annoying. I hope you had fun on a movie you used me to get a spot on, douchebag.” Jensen’s eyes flicked around the room and he tensed even further when he realized they’d attracted a small crowd. Jensen raised his voice ensuring that the people standing closest to them would hear him. “What are you even doing here tonight anyway? Everyone knows you’re going to lose your job. I mean, all I’ve heard since I’ve gotten here is how bad people feel for you—walking around here like you don’t know that you’re being written out of your show.”

Jared’s eyes widened and his chest tightened. He quickly glanced at all the onlookers and when no one would meet his gaze, it pretty much confirmed what Jensen had said. He felt Sandy squeeze his hand in support. Jared couldn’t believe it; he might have suspected something was up with the addition of Jess to the show, but he never thought he was being written out.

With a cruel smile Jensen spoke again, sarcasm dripping from his words. “Oh—you didn’t know. Oops, I guess the cat’s out of the bag.” Jared could only stand frozen as he watched Jensen take his girlfriend’s hand and walk away.

Humiliated, Jared led Sandy out of the party and straight to the first waiting car. He didn’t know why Jensen had felt the need to embarrass him, but one thing was for sure: this was the last time Jared would ever try to be friendly with Jensen Ackles.

After word spread of the incident, the Palladinos asked to see Jared in their office on Monday morning. It seemed that his character wasn’t going where they wanted it to and after his twelve contracted episodes his time on _Gilmore Girls_ would be officially over.

As soon as the meeting was over, Jared started making phone calls not only to his agent and management, but to everyone else he could think of as well. Within a few weeks he already had a meeting set up with NBC—thanks to a connection that he made through Jensen, ironically enough.

Jared couldn’t help but feel pleased with himself. If he got this part, it would be because he'd worked hard and earned it.

***

Once script and casting calls started to go out for pilot season, Jensen had been all over his agent, and each day a new set of scripts were showing up at his door.

After reading through the enormous stack of scripts Jensen found the perfect one. Immediately, he had his agent on the line. “Ari, I found the one I want. You’ve got to get me an audition. It’s the J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof pilot.”

Jensen held the phone from his ear as Ari ranted about something on the other end. “I know it’s had its problems. I heard it went through a long development and rewrites before Abrams and Lindelof were brought in, but it’s perfect and I want it. Just set up the audition, please.”

“Look, Jensen, this gonna be tight. The only reason this role is open is the guy they originally cast has a conflict with a movie role. If I can swing this—and I can—you’ll need to be here in L.A. whenever they ask for you. Can you do that?”

Jensen quickly skimmed the schedule for the next few weeks on _Dawson’s_. “It’s no problem. You tell me when and I’ll make it work. I want this part.”

Ari clicked off on the other end and Jensen closed his phone with a satisfied snick.

***

The burst of pride that soared through him when he told his Sandy that he’d got the part was better than any drug. “Not only did I land another job before I’m even done with _Gilmore Girls_ , but you’ve gotta hear the buzz going around the studio about the show! I guess a bunch of people have read the pilot script and they can’t keep their mouths shut. Sandy, this is really happening.”

Sandy curled her arm in his as they walked Harley and Sadie toward the park. “I’m so happy for you, baby. I know you’re gonna be awesome.”

They walked in silence as the dogs pulled at their leashes, anxious to get loose and run in the bright afternoon sun. Jared tugged at their leads keeping them under control. His voice significantly lower than a few minutes ago, he almost whispered. “I’m kinda nervous—what if we don’t get picked up? What if I don’t have a job?”

Sandy rubbed comfortingly at the thin skin on his inner elbow. “It’ll be great. _You’re_ great. And if it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t meant to be, but it won’t be the end of the world, Jay. There are plenty of jobs out there for you and the right one will come to you.”

Letting Sandy’s words soothe him, he relaxed and pushed the nervous thoughts to the back of his head. Leaning down, he clicked the release on first, Sadie’s and then Harley’s leashes. As he chased the dogs through the freshly cut grass Jared thought everything would work out.

***

The audition process for _Lost_ was a whirlwind for Jensen. Being a last minute casting change, Jensen was rushed through the process, not even meeting half the people at ABC he should have. Before he knew it, he was getting a phone call detailing the shooting schedule for the pilot and flight arrangements to Hawaii.

He was lucky that CJ, his character on _Dawson’s_ , wasn’t in the next few episodes. He could film the pilot and still be back in time to film the last episodes wrapping up the season.

As he threw random articles of clothing in his bag, he dialed his parent’s phone in Richardson. His father answered on the third ring and almost immediately upon hearing his voice some of the tension causing knots to form in his back released.

“Jensen, so good to hear from you, what are you up to?”

Jensen tossed another t-shirt onto the already growing pile of t-shirts. “Packing, I leave for Hawaii tomorrow.”

“Are you prepared? You know I always say good preparation is the key to doing a good job.”

“I’m ready, Dad. I haven’t stopped reading since I got it.”

Alan must have heard something in his voice because the next question out of his mouth was, “Are you sure you’re alright, son? Tell me what’s wrong.”

Jensen sat on the bed next to his suitcase, biting his bottom lip raw. “I’m—nervous. This could be the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. I don’t want to just be the pretty face that plays some teenage girl’s boyfriend forever. What if—what if it doesn’t work out?”

“Jensen, son, you’re right—it might not work out. The show might not get picked up or the show may not be successful, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find something else. You are a great actor—it’s in the genes—and your mother and I couldn’t be more proud of you no matter what part you play. So just put those thoughts right out of your head and do what you do best.”

The knots in Jensen’s stomach released. “Thanks, Dad, I needed to hear that.”

“Good, now finishing packing and get to Hawaii and show those people what good genes you’ve got.”

Jensen was still laughing at what a dork his father could be as he closed his phone. Tomorrow when he boarded the airplane, first for LA then onto Honolulu, Jensen would be ready for his life to go in a new direction.

***

Filming on the pilot was over before Jared knew it, and the weeks he spent making himself sick waiting to hear if the show had been picked up seemed to drag on forever.

Flipping through the channels, Jared stared at the television not really seeing anything. When his cell phone rang, Jared dove across the couch to grab the phone from the end table. Fumbling to open the phone, Jared quickly held the phone to his ear and answered. “Hello, hello?”

For a moment he thought the caller had hung up, but then Jared heard Sandy’s voice. “Hey, baby, I hope you’re not just sitting around on your couch staring at the TV. I told you, you can’t sit around vegetating waiting for that phone call.”

Smiling at the sound of Sandy’s voice, Jared leaned back on his couch and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table. “I’m not vegetating. I’m relaxing, but maybe if you came over I’d feel like being a little more _active_.”

Sandy’s musical laughter filtered through the phone. “I’m sure you would, but I’m meeting Anna and Luke for margaritas and Mexican at East L.A.’s. I was calling to see if you wanted to come.”

Jared’s stomach growled at the mention of food and he pictured Sandy smiling brightly and laughing with her friends. “Yeah—definitely. Give me twenty minutes to shower and get dressed. I’ll meet you at six o’clock, okay?”

“Sounds good, sweetie.”

Jared turned off the television and stood to head toward the bathroom. “See you then. Love you, bye.”

He owed her more than she knew, and if _Heroes_ worked out for him, he was going to buy her something really nice.

***

Jensen was in his apartment in LA; he’d been back from North Carolina for almost two months, but he hadn’t unpacked most of his boxes. He’d just have to repack them again when he left for Hawaii in a few weeks.

While waiting for Chris to show up before they headed out to hear a band Chris was interested in, Jensen flipped through an old magazine. Most of the stuff in the magazine Jensen could care less about—half of it was crap anyway—but when he flipped a page and saw a picture of Jared with his girlfriend at some NBC function, Jensen couldn’t help but cringe.

It wasn’t fair that Jared had gotten another role so easily after he’d been booted off his show. Jensen read the caption under the picture. _Jared Padalecki, one the stars of the NBC’s highly anticipated mid-season replacement show,_ Heroes _, and girlfriend Sandy McCoy outside The Roosevelt Hotel. Ms. McCoy showed off a new necklace—a gift from Padalecki when_ Heroes _had been picked up for NBC’s new TV season. She laughed and said she didn’t want such an extravagant gift, but he had insisted that he couldn’t have landed the role without her._

Jensen gagged and flipped the magazine shut. It made him so angry to see how Jared came off as such a great guy. The magazines loved him, especially with his cute little girlfriend glued to his side. They didn’t know Jared like he did, though—they didn’t know how conniving he was. He couldn’t wait for Chris any longer; he stalked into his kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He’d pounded the whole thing before he heard Chris knocking on his door.

He really needed to get to Hawaii already. Maybe half the Pacific Ocean separating them, he’d finally be able to forget about Jared.

***

Jared had been working like a fiend filming episodes of _Heroes_. Despite the January premiere date, the show was filmed on the typical schedule for a fall start. They already had ten episodes in the can before the first episode had ever even aired, and filming of episodes eleven and twelve was set to start once they came back from the Christmas hiatus.

The schedule had been grueling, but from the moment Jared had met the rest of the cast he felt completely at home. Specifically, he hit it off right away with Zach Quinto. The few scenes they filmed together were some of the quickest and easiest Jared had ever done. He and Zach just got along so well that Jared found himself looking forward not only to filming with Zach, but hanging out with him off set as well.

It looked Sandy was right, _Heroes_ was the right place for him.

***

Jensen never thought being famous could be like this. He’d been in the business for a while now. It wasn’t the first time he’d been recognized on the street or photographed. Hell, when he was on _Days_ he had a fan show up on set in a wedding dress ready to marry him, but this was a whole different world than he was used to. He could barely go out without being recognized, and forget trying to go anywhere for dinner or a drink.

He was a little frightened as to what what fans could possibly dig up about him to put on a website. The most disturbing thing he’d found were several sites, with sections regarding his time on The WB, with repeated mentions of his public “argument” with Jared Padalecki. There weren’t many details, but almost every site referenced how he and Jared had words at the Fall Preview party the year before.

He felt nauseated the more he read. Each time there was a mention of his and Jared’s apparent dislike for each other, his gut twisted into another knot. For sure, someone would eventually ask Jared about their dislike for each other and what it stemmed from. Obviously, Jared wasn’t going to say “I blackmailed him after I caught him fucking around in a club bathroom with another guy,” but he could certainly say something that would lead people to Jensen’s secret.

Jensen had thought they’d somehow gotten past all this. All these years later and Jared still hadn’t said anything—Jensen had sort of hoped that Jared had been so drunk that night that at this point he wasn’t really sure what he had or hadn’t seen, but Jensen couldn’t bank on that.

He thought being on _Lost_ would be the best thing for him, but what he’d forgotten was that the more well-known he became the more people would dig into his background. Maybe it was time to meet some of the local girls in Hawaii, and if he just so happened to get caught by the paparazzi flirting with them… well that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

***

The first major celebrity event that came up once _Heroes_ had begun to air was the Golden Globes. Jared was so excited to be going that it barely even registered how big of a deal the whole night was.

The night didn’t happen as planned though; despite the importance of the night Sandy insisted she had a prior work commitment and couldn’t attend with him. At first, Jared thought about not going at all, but when several of the cast members decided to go as group Jared couldn’t say no.

The arrival of the _Heroes_ cast heightened the buzzing excitement on the red carpet. With all the flash bulbs that went off in Jared’s face he was sure he’d look ridiculous in half the photos, but everything was happening so fast he barely had time to blink.

Once inside, Jared finally spotted Zach. They had planned on sitting together during the show and making fun of ugly dresses and bad acceptance speeches. Zach signaled to Jared that he was stopping at the restroom, so Jared stood in the lobby waiting for him. While he waited, he spotted the camera crew from the E! Network. They were interviewing some of the cast from _Lost_ , including Jensen.

Jared watched as Jensen laughed easily with his cast mates and smiled brightly at the camera. He couldn’t reconcile this Jensen with the rude, obnoxious asshole that had embarrassed him back at the WB party. At first, Jared had thought Jensen was just rude to everyone, but the bits and pieces he’d heard through the grapevine about Jensen made him sound nothing like the guy Jared knew.

As he stood watching Jensen, the interviewer from E! noticed him. Before he could stop it, he was being dragged by the interviewer over to where the cast of _Lost_ was standing, Jensen still among them.

“And look who we have here, Jared Padalecki from the hit show _Heroes_. How does it feel to be here tonight?”

Jared smiled, keeping one eye on Jensen to see his reaction. “Pretty good, our whole cast is here and it’s nice to just be able to sit back and watch the show and not have to worry about the show being up for an award.”

“I bet that is pretty relaxing. So, Jared, do you watch _Lost_?”

Jared flashed a bright grin and looked over at the cast, realizing that Jensen was trying to inconspicuously disappear off to the side. “I’ve seen some episodes, but I’m so busy filming _Heroes_ I don’t even have time to watch my own show let alone any others.”

The interviewer, Kristin, finally noticed Jensen trying to slip away. “Oh look here, Jensen! You and Jared used to share a network, right? How does it feel to be standing here with a former network mate who’s now on a competing show?”

Jared panicked. He was afraid this would be just like the WB Preview Party, only on a much bigger scale. He eyed the cameraman still filming as he waited for Jensen to say something.

Finally, Jensen managed a very unconvincing, “I’m happy for him” and took off toward the theater.

Everyone in the lobby looked confused and at a complete loss at Jensen’s reaction. Jared took the opportunity to slip away, but he could only wonder how it would look replayed on TV.

***

The following day the last thing on Jared’s mind was Jensen Ackles. The reason he was drinking straight from the bottle of whiskey he’d found in his liquor cabinet was all because of the fight he had with Sandy not an hour before.

When she showed up on his doorstep this morning he thought for sure she was going to ask what happened with Jensen the night before. Instead, he was greeted by a very troubled girlfriend.

Still hungover from a long night of drinking with Zach after the disastrous E! interview, Jared shuffled toward his front door as quickly as his aching body would take him. Whoever was ringing his doorbell needed to stop immediately! He flung the door open harder than he intended and was greeted by Sandy, standing with hunched shoulders on his porch.

Even from one glimpse on her face, it was clear that whatever she wanted to say wasn’t going to be good. Jared walked her over to the couch and waited. Finally, with a distinct shake to her voice she spoke. “You know I love you, Jared, right?”

He nodded immediately. “Of course, I know. I love you too. Tell me what’s wrong, baby.”

Taking in a deep breath, Sandy lifted her gaze to look into Jared’s eyes. “This is going to be hard to hear—but things just aren’t working anymore.”

Those were the last words Jared remembered clearly. Sandy explained why things weren’t working and Jared tried to combat every one of her reasons, but even through her tears she held fast. When she left his house Jared was at a loss as to what just happened and he slumped onto his couch, tears trailing down his face.

***

Jensen’s high from _Lost_ winning several awards didn’t last long. That night had been fun, and the next night Chris and Steve had taken him out to get spectacularly drunk before he had to fly back to Hawaii. While it was fun at the time, the raging hangover he had the next day only compounded his foul mood.

When Chris called the following day, Jensen wanted nothing less than to talk. “Hey, Chris, I’m not feeling too good right now. Can I call you back?”

Jensen heard rustling through the phone and possibly Steve’s voice. “Sure, you can call me back, but that’s not going to get me away from your front door. Steve and I are outside. Let us in, dickface.”

Jensen groaned before hauling himself up to let his friends in. Chris was a stubborn ass and would sit out there all damn day.

Standing just inside his front door, Jensen waited a minute contemplating leaving Chris out on his porch, but Steve was with him too and those two together would find some way in even if they had to break in. Swinging the door open, Jensen tried to smile. “Hey guys, good to see you.”

Chris and Steve tumbled through the door, immediately filling up Jensen’s living room. Chris sprawled across Jensen’s couch and Steve sat across from him, looking Jensen over. “How you doing today, man? I have to say, you look like shit.”

Jensen shrugged. “You try looking fresh as a fucking daisy after drinking a bottle of tequila the night before.”

Chris snorted from his place on the couch. “Aww, Jenny. Don’t blame us if you can’t hold your liquor.”

Jensen sat on the end of the couch Chris hadn’t managed to take over. “Shut up, asshole. What are you doing here anyway?”

A look passed between Chris and Steve that Jensen couldn’t decipher. Neither of them spoke. “What?” Jensen asked.

Steve sat forward in his chair. “We wanted to check on you, Jen. You were saying some stuff last night and—well we thought maybe you’d want to talk about it sober.”

Wracking his brain, Jensen forced fuzzy memories from the night before. He remembered laughing with Chris and Steve and celebrating, but then slowly he started to remember bits and pieces from much later in the night—he had gotten a bit morose and lamented his lack of love life.

Chris sat back, letting Steve take the lead, but still actively listening to them talk. “Jen, you know you’re not alone, right? You have us, you have your family.”

Jensen dragged a hand over his face. He really didn’t want to have this conversation. “Look guys, I don’t need this little pep talk. Last night was just the alcohol talking. I’m fine—really.”

Chris sat up on the couch, the slump gone from his posture. “We’ve known you a long time, Jenny, and we can totally read you. You act like you’re fine, but it’s just that—an act. If not being able to be with someone is hurting you this much, maybe it’s time to come out of the closet.”

Jensen was shaking his head before Chris even finished speaking. “No, no way.”

Jensen sometimes wished things could be different, but he’d chosen to live his life this way—random anonymous one-night stands with guys that wouldn’t know Jensen’s face the next day if it was plastered on a giant billboard. However, when things got quiet in his head, he longed for someone to talk to. He wanted a true relationship with someone—he wanted someone that would understand him and stand by his side.

Steve spoke up again. “You know, if you changed your mind we would support you. It doesn’t matter to us who you’re with.”

Jensen’s stomach ached and his headache was still pounding. “I know that, I do, but I haven’t changed my mind and I’m not going to. Now please, just let it go. Why don’t we go get something to eat? I’m craving something greasy and entirely bad for me.”

Another one of those looks passed between Chris and Steve, but neither of them challenged Jensen. Steve and Chris argued over whether to go for burgers or Mexican as Jensen hurried to get dressed.

While washing his face, Jensen stared at himself in the mirror. Staying in the closet was his choice, but that choice made it impossible to have the kind of relationship he longed for—someone to talk to, someone to come home to, someone to love him unconditionally. Turning off the water, Jensen turned from the mirror so he didn’t have to see the look of resignation on his face.

***

After his breakup with Sandy, Jared called Chad for some cheering up, forgetting that Chad’s idea of cheering up consisted of strip clubs and lapdances. Jared just couldn’t get over Sandy like that; he loved her and thought he’d eventually marry her and a few strippers wasn’t going to fix that.

Finally, Jared called Zach. Since the breakup, Zach was the person Jared spent the most time with. Zach listened when Jared needed to talk and just hung out when Jared didn’t want to talk at all.

They often could be found in Jared’s trailer on set playing video games or watching DVD’s. As time went on, Jared spent less time thinking about Sandy and more time just enjoying hanging out with Zach. By the end of the season, Jared was feeling more like his old self again and was happy to have found such a good friend.

When the summer hiatus came, Jared was thrilled that Zach would be staying in L.A. and they could continue to hang out. Jared was more than looking forward to a summer without any work commitments and being able to relax.

***

For Jensen, the end of the TV season was not quite as welcome. Without, his work to keep him busy Jensen had retreated in on himself causing Chris and Steve to grow more concerned about him than they ever had been.

Knowing just how much his friends worried about him, Jensen returned to LA for the hiatus with plans to spend as much time as possible with his friends and family.

It just so happened that while he was in L.A. he—along with some of the other _Lost_ cast members—had been asked to participate in a charity baseball game. After a few weeks of downtime with Chris and Steve and a long visit with his family Jensen was feeling pretty relaxed and agreed immediately.

However, when he arrived at the field the morning of the game to find Jared was playing as well, knots of tensions began to form in his back almost instantly.

The first few innings of the game went smoothly, Jensen’s team leading 2-1, but during the sixth inning while Jared was at bat he hit a line drive directly at Jensen’s head. It was only by Jensen’s quick reaction that he was able to drop to the dirt and avoid a broken nose or worse.

Of course the photographers at the game took more photos of that moment than of any other. Jared swore it was an accident. Jensen didn’t want to cause a scene so he accepted Jared’s apology, but in the back of his mind Jensen couldn’t help but wonder if it really was an accident or if Jared was just that good of an actor.

***

Before Jared knew it, he was back filming the second season of _Heroes_. Life had seemed to settle back into normal for him; he was working and still hanging out with Zach.

He was trying to date again, but despite Chad’s repeated attempts at setting him up, Jared just wasn’t interested. At first he thought he still needed time to get over Sandy, but Jared found he actually wanted to date—he just wasn’t clicking with any of the girls he went out with.

After weeks of failed dates, Jared gave up and invited Zach over for pizza and DVD’s on Friday night instead of going out. “It’s like every time I go out with someone I start out really excited and looking forward to the night, but as soon as we get to the restaurant or movie all I can think of is getting home as quick as possible.”

Zach swallowed his mouthful of pizza and wiped the grease from his chin. “I don’t know what to tell you, Jare. Obviously, none of the girls were the right one or else you wouldn’t feel that way. Maybe you need to try something different.”

Jared stared miserably at his half-eaten slice of pizza. “What else can I do? I _know_ I’m ready to date again and I’ve been set up, I’ve met girls out, I even went out with a girl I met at the dog park with Sadie and Harley. Maybe I’m just not meant to find someone new.”

Zach shook his head. “That’s not true and you know it. This is a little out of my depth, but I know that you can’t just give up.”

Picking at the label on his beet bottle Jared sighed. “I know. I’m sorry I keep dumping this on you; it’s not like you want to hear about the problems in my love life all the time.”

Touching Jared on his forearm to get his attention, Zach said, “That’s not what I meant.”

Jared stared at the spot where Zach’s hand rested on his arm, the light weight of Zach’s fingers brushed against his skin, making the hairs stand on end. Jared looked up to meet Zach’s gaze and was startled to find such intensity. Almost as if in slow motion, Zach leaned in slowly and pressed his lips lightly against his. They stayed like that, for only a moment, before Jared pulled hurriedly away, his eyes wide with shock. “What are you doing?”

Zach held Jared’s stare, his own eyes blazing. “Offering you something different.”

Still feeling his lips tingle, dazed, Jared reached up to graze the pad of a finger over his bottom lip. Up until this very moment no guy—especially Zach—had ever crossed Jared’s mind as an option, but after a kiss like that Jared couldn’t help thinking about it.

It was as if the blinders were suddenly lifted and he saw a completely different Zach in front of him—one who he wanted to kiss again and again.

Finally, Zach took Jared’s hand. “Look, I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t fantasized that you’d just one day realize that you liked guys—that you liked me—but if this isn’t something you want—.” Zach ducked his head. “—I would understand.”

Jared’s gaze fell on Zach’s hand in his, as he thought about all the time he’d spent with Zach and about how whenever he was on one of his dates he always felt like he’d rather be with Zach, maybe this wasn’t something he’d ever considered before, but after kissing Zach—even just for a moment—he couldn’t imagine not giving this a chance.

***

Work had been hectic for Jensen, he’d been filming long hours and he was tired all the time. When his phone rang early on his only morning off in a week he was inclined to ignore it and continue sleeping. It seemed, though, that whoever was trying to reach him was not going to let that happen.

Grappling blindly at the items on his nightstand, Jensen finally grabbed his phone. Flipping it open, he held it to his ear—his head still buried under his pillow. “’Lo.”

Jensen jumped and jerked the phone from his ear as his agent’s loud voice burst through. “Jensen! Glad to have gotten through to you. You’ll never guess who I got a call from this morning!”

Jensen scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to wake himself up. “Ari, what time is it?”

“Who cares what time it is—I’ve got big news for you.”

Pulling the sheet up Jensen settled back against his pillows. “News—okay, tell me what you got.”

“This morning I talked to my guy at Paramount, they’ve got a big project stirring over there, something they’re calling the next _Shining_ and Jensen—they want you.”

That got Jensen to really open his eyes. “What?”

“I know you heard me, so let’s cut to the chase. They’ve got Eric Kripke producing and Kim Manners directing and they want you to read for one of the leads. This could be a big deal for you, Jensen. So, you interested?”

It took a moment for Jensen’s brain to process what Ari was saying, but when it did he definitely wasn’t thinking about sleep anymore. “Hell yes, I’m interested. Tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

“Good. I’m overnighting you the script. Read it and I’ll get back to you with all the details.”

 

 


	2. It's A Thin Line Between Love And Hate - Part Two

Jared and Zach had taken things extremely slow, but once Zach realized Jared was serious about pursuing the relationship things quickly heated up. 

It still wasn’t entirely easy, but Jared found the more time he spent with Zach the more he realized he was very much attracted to guys. In the beginning, it wasn’t much different than when they’d hung out before that first kiss, but as Jared gained confidence he was more than interested in taking things beyond just kissing.

Pretty soon, they were making out in the trailers. The first time Jared fell asleep at Zach’s apartment and woke up spooned around Zach and it just felt right, Jared knew there was no way this was just an experiment for him.

It had been hard to tell his family, but it didn’t feel right to speak with them and not be able to tell them about that part of his life. He knew his parents worried for him, but it made everything feel right to tell them. 

Jared even took Zach home for Christmas. It had been awkward at first—his family was still coming to terms with Jared being bi—but Zach had won them over and the trip had been fun. 

Shortly after the Christmas hiatus Jared started to notice that he was seeing less and less of Zach. Finally, Zach had agreed to come over for dinner on a Friday evening. Jared ordered food from their favorite Italian takeout. Zach was acting sketchy though, and Jared could hardly enjoy his meal. After Jared had cleaned up the take-out containers, he settled onto the couch expecting Zach to join him so they could watch a movie. 

Zach, however, sat on the chair at the far end of the room. “Jared, we need to talk.”

A cold lump sank into Jared’s stomach, because those words never meant anything good. Cautiously, Jared focused on Zach’s face, trying to read where this conversation was going. “Okay.”

Shifting nervously, Zach rubbed at his chin, unable to meet Jared’s eyes. “Uh—well I’ve been thinking about where our relationship is going and where I see us headed.”

The lump in Jared’s stomach turned to stone and he felt sick.

Zach continued talking, still looking anywhere but at Jared. “I care about you a lot, Jared, but I feel like we’re moving a little too fast." 

Jared interrupted Zach. “Is this because I brought you home with me, because I wanted you to meet my family?”

Pulling at a loose thread on his jeans, Zach sighed. “No—well maybe a little. I mean, that’s part of it, but mostly I’ve just realized that I’m not ready to be with one person for the rest of my life. There are things I still want to do and I can’t do them if I’m tied down.”

The sick feeling roiling in Jared’s stomach flared to anger. “Wait one minute. You were the one who told me you didn’t want to do this if it was just me experimenting. You were the one who made us go slow so I would feel comfortable with our relationship. Now you’re telling me that all that is too much for you, that’s bullshit.”

Jared’s tone didn’t rile Zach. “I’m sorry, Jare, but it’s the way I feel. I can’t change that. I was hoping this would be easier, you’re one of my best friends and I don’t want to lose that.”

Shooting up from the couch, Jared’s eyes blazed in anger. “You’ve got to be kidding! You want to still be friends? You come in here and _dump me_ and then you have the gall to sit there and tell me you still want to be friends? I want fucking answers. I want to know _why_.”

Zach finally looked up into Jared’s eyes, his own eyes wide and pleading. “I told you why, I’m sorry if that isn’t enough for you.”

Frustrated, Jared shoved his fingers through his hair. “You know what—just get out. I can’t even look at you.”

Jared turned his back toward Zach and stared at the wall until he heard the front door close, then he let the anger slide away. He crumbled against the wall, sitting with his head on his knees, and thought he couldn’t believe this happened to him _again_. 

The next weeks on set were awful. Seeing Zach and not being able to touch him or sneak a nap together in his trailer made his heart ache. Jared threw himself into his work; it was the only thing right now that kept his mind from how poorly Zach had treated him as both a boyfriend and a friend. 

When he contacted his management company and told them he was interested in lining up a movie project for the summer hiatus, they nearly squealed in his ear at the thought of finally getting him on the big screen. Before the week was out, scripts were rolling in.

*** 

When Jensen’s agent called him to tell him that the producers weren’t feeling him in the role of Sam, his stomach dropped like he’d just jumped from a plane with a questionable parachute strapped to his back. He barely heard Ari when he went on to say that while they liked someone else for Sam they still loved him and wanted him to read for Dean. 

Jensen was torn between feeling ecstatic that they still wanted him and put off that they didn’t like him as Sam. It was still a blow to his ego that even after all the work he’d put into preparing Sam, they still liked someone else better.

Tuning back in, he listened to Ari give him a run down of the details—he had to get back in to read for Dean tomorrow, so they could make a final casting decision as soon as possible. It didn’t give Jensen much time to prepare, but he wanted this movie, so if he had to stay up working out Dean in his head until midnight, he was going to do it. 

*** 

Jared sat in his living room, his feet propped up on the coffee table while watching UFC fighting on the Spike channel. Jared reached for another slice of pizza when his phone rang. He considered not answering it. It was probably just Chad, but the ringing was loud and kind of obnoxious so he leaned over to lift the handset from the receiver. “Hello?”

An unfamiliar voice asked for him on the other end and as Jared listened to the voice he sat up straighter on the couch and a smile crested over his face. “I got the part? Really?”

His agent’s secretary told him that the part was his; the only thing left now was a screen test with the person cast as his co-star and then they’d sign the contracts. Jared jotted down the information for the screen test and hung up the phone.

Immediately, he stood, punching his fist into the air and wiggling his ass a bit in a celebratory dance, shouting “Yes!” For the first time in weeks Jared was starting feel like himself again.

*** 

Jensen paced in his kitchen, hoping today would be the day he’d hear from his agent. After another loop around the breakfast island Jensen forced himself to sit in his living room to watch TV. He knew pacing wasn’t going to make the call come any sooner—a watched pot and all. He flipped through the channels and stared blindly at whatever repeated garbage he landed on. 

Jensen actually felt himself being lulled into sleep by the muted noises from the speakers when he was suddenly jarred wide awake by the ringing phone. He grabbed his phone sitting squarely on the table next to his couch and answered.

Immediately Jensen recognized the voice of the assistant from his agent’s office. His whole body tensed as he listened to the man babble on. Blah, blah, blah, Mr. Gold was in a meeting, blah, blah, he got word from Paramount regarding _Supernatural_ —finally, what Jensen was waiting to hear. He held the phone tightly to his ear, so much he almost missed when Lloyd told him he had gotten the part of Dean. 

Energy surged through Jensen’s body, he was so excited he didn’t hear what Lloyd was saying and had to ask him to repeat himself. Jensen listened as he repeated that the studio wanted him to come in and do a screen test with his new co-star and then they’d sign all the contracts. 

Jensen had almost forgotten about the role of Sam. He wondered who was going to be playing opposite of him—who he’d be spending the next couple of months of his life with? Before the assistant could hang up, Jensen quickly asked if he knew the name of the actor playing Sam. 

Jensen couldn’t believe it when he heard the name echo through the receiver just before the line went dead. He stood stunned, the phone still held warm and sweaty to his ear. Jared Padalecki. Jensen was going to be making a movie with Jared Padalecki. He couldn’t believe his damn bad luck.

*** 

Jared had been so preoccupied with landing his part; he’d never gotten around to asking who would be playing opposite him. When he pulled onto the Paramount lot, though, his mind was on anything but who was playing Dean. 

On the way to the screen test, Jared had stopped for his usual caramel macchiato with extra whip, but as he stood in line, he caught sight of Zach sitting in a shaded corner, looking rather cozy with some guy. 

Jared had thought he’d finally gotten over Zach, but seeing him with someone new sent a stabbing pain through his heart. 

At this point, Jared considered calling Mr. Kripke, to see if they could do the screen test another day, but Jared was determined not to let Zach get to him. However, now standing in the room for the screen test next to Jensen Ackles, Jared thought he was being punished.

They stood on opposite sides of the room avoiding eye contact. Jared couldn’t keep still as he tapped his foot and ran his hand through his hair.

Finally, Kripke joined them followed by Kim Manners. “So, guys–we’ve seen you both individually and think you’re both fantastic, but we’d like a chance to see how you do together. This shouldn’t take long, I really think from what we’ve already seen of you two that this is going to be a slam dunk.”

Jared peeked through his bangs to see Jensen looking as uncomfortable as Jared felt. Taking a deep breath, Jared crossed to the other side of the room as a cameraman entered the room with a small handheld camera for the screen test.

Kripke discussed something quietly with Kim and then turned to face Jared and Jensen. “We’d like you to start with the first scene we sent you, with Dean’s line, ‘Dad’s missing.’”

Jared glanced down at the wrinkled script he was holding and rolled his shoulders back. Pushing thoughts of Zach from his head, he waited for Jensen to start.

Jensen cleared his throat and said his first line. In that moment Jared sunk himself into Sam and the lines flowed from him. As he and Jensen went back and forth reading their lines, Jared could feel the chemistry between them. It was as if they really _were_ Sam and Dean, not Jared and Jensen. Before he even realized it, the scene had ended and Kripke was walking toward them. He clapped his hands together and wore a huge grin. “Awesome. You two are great together. It’s exactly as I imagined it when I wrote it.”

Kim came to join Kripke. “I can’t believe you two haven’t ever worked together before—I’ve never seen two people take to each other so easily. I can’t wait to work with you.” He shook both his and Jensen’s hands and then turned to Kripke. “Eric, I’ll see you later. It’s was nice meeting both you.”

Kim dashed off to another appointment while Kripke sat back in his seat. “Ok. Take it from the top of the second scene we gave you.”

Jared glanced over the next few pages of dialogue, again having to force the stomach-churning reaction to seeing Zach down. Sam had the first line in this scene and as he looked at Jensen to speak, he caught his green eyes staring intently at him. The first line flowed from him and as he and Jensen read the scene, their eyes never left each other. Even Jared could feel the electricity sparking between them as the scene unfolded.

When the scene had ended, breath rushed from Jared, stunned himself at how well the scene had played out. The last moment of the scene lingered between Jensen and him and Jared couldn’t tear his eyes from Jensen’s. 

Kripke broke the moment between them, jumping from his seat, beside himself with excitement. “I knew when I saw you two you’d be great together, but actually seeing it happen in front of me is downright awesome. When my assistant told me you two had some sort of bad history I thought I was done for, but seeing you two, I know we’re gonna make an amazing movie.”

He hurriedly gathered his papers and spoke quickly to the cameraman before turning back to face them. “Your management has your contracts and we’ll be contacting you with all the filming details. We’re really going to have a blast making this movie!”

With a wave Kripke was out the door, leaving Jared and Jensen alone together again. Without the scenes to focus on, the nausea Jared felt earlier rolled back in and he couldn’t stop thinking of Zach and that guy. He grabbed his hoodie, and without even looking at Jensen, was out the door.

*** 

Jensen sat at the bar of the local hole-in-the-wall dive he frequented with Chris and Steve, telling them about his screen test with Jared. Swirling his whiskey in his glass, he looked over at Steve. “We completely ignored each other—we didn’t even speak directly to each other except during the scenes.” 

Taking another sip from his drink, Jensen continued speaking. “And that’s the damn unbelievable thing. I’ve never done a scene with someone that had so much chemistry—such electricity. How is that even possible? Of course, after the test was over, he ran from the room completely ignoring my existence. That seemed normal, at least.”

Steve glanced over at Chris smirking. “I don’t know, maybe it’s that opposites attract thing.”

Killing the last gulp of amber liquid in his glass, Jensen rolled his eyes. “How the hell did I get myself into this mess?”

Chris dropped his beer bottle onto the bar and cuffed Jensen around the neck. “I love it when you’re like this, Jenny, all drunk and angry. It’s hilarious.”

Jensen shoved Chris back. “It’s not fucking funny. I have to work with this guy. How am I supposed to do that?”

Chris shrugged and looked at Steve and Steve looked just as lost. “I’m not sure, but you’ll figure it out. You’re a good actor and you love this movie. It’ll all work out.” 

*** 

The first day of filming for _Supernatural_ , Jared woke up with a knot the size of the Empire State Building in his belly. He was nervous about filming his first big movie, he was nervous about how he was going to get along with the director and the rest of the crew, he was nervous that he wasn’t ready for this kind of role, but most of all he was nervous about working with Jensen. 

It had been years, literally, since Jared took his first steps onto a soundstage, and in all that time—more than half of it—he’d been at odds with Jensen Ackles. Jared remembered the first time he’d ever seen Jensen. He’d been excited to meet him and even though Jensen had been sick, he’d seemed so nice. Jared just wished he could figure out what he’d done to make Jensen dislike him enough that he felt the need to embarrass him the next time they met.

Despite his musings on his first meeting with Jensen, Jared also remembered the last time he’s seen Jensen—only a month earlier at their screen test together. Jared hadn’t been nervous about having to work with Jensen then. He’d been too distracted thinking about Zach moving on to be nervous about a screen test. 

Jared had assumed that their first reading together would be stilted and forced, but amazingly enough the scenes were some of the best work he’d ever done—and those were only the screen tests. 

They played off each other so well, and when Jared’s eyes connected with Jensen’s it was Sam looking at Dean and visa versa. When they’d said the last lines and Kripke told them they were finished, for a moment Jared couldn’t tear his eyes from Jensen. He couldn’t believe how well that had gone—it was like working with his best friend rather than someone that hated him.

Now, as Jared stood in his bathroom combing his hair one way and then shaking it out because he thought it looked too ‘done,’ he realized he was well and truly freaking the fuck out about spending the next two months filming all day, every day with Jensen Ackles.

Jared dropped his comb with a clatter onto the vanity and left his hair half brushed—the hair dressers on set would fix it so he didn’t look like he stuck his fingers in an electric socket—and went into the kitchen to wait for the car ferrying him to the set. Harley and Sadie nuzzled at his knees and he distractedly scratched their ears. 

When Jared heard the car horn blast from the street, he gave each of his babies one last good belly rub before dashing out to the car. Today was going to be a long day.

*** 

The only good thing going for Jensen today was that because he and Jared lived in opposite directions of the studio, they wouldn’t be picked up by the same car. He couldn’t imagine starting his day in a small enclosed space with Jared. The strained silence was bad enough at their screen test, but with no one else there to facilitate some semblance of civility, there would be a very awkward, deafening silence during the car ride.

Jensen sipped from his second cup of coffee, trying to get comfortable while he waited for the hair and makeup team to arrive. Savoring the rich taste of his dark roast, Jensen’s eyes slid closed, only to pop open at the clanging sound of the trailer door opening. He turned to greet what he thought would be a stylist of some sort, but instead he found himself face to face with a rumpled Jared Padalecki.

Jensen’s greeting died on his lips, and they stood frozen in awkward silence, both trying to decide who would be the one to speak first and set the tone of their entire time on set. 

Jensen was at a loss, so when Jared smiled uncomfortably, Jensen followed suit, nodding his head in greeting. Luckily, they didn’t have to suffer sitting in unnerving silence for long. The hair and makeup crew arrived and immediately the trailer was filled with the sounds of blow dryers and chatter. 

As one of the girls sponged foundation over Jensen’s face, he snuck a look at Jared in the mirror. As much as he did not want to have any kind of conversation with Jared, it might be time to talk to him about what happened back at Razor all those years ago. He certainly wasn’t ready to come out to the world, but he had a lot more friends now that he trusted with the fact that he was gay. Jensen was different as well—more confident in himself and his abilities. Maybe if he and Jared came to some sort of understanding, they’d be able to work together without this awful tension and make a great movie.

Jensen let his eyes slide closed when the makeup artist began to brush over his eyelids with the sponge. He decided he had to talk to Jared, but Jensen told himself that he’d wait until they had more privacy, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that whispered “Chicken.”

*** 

The first day of filming was torture for Jared. One of the things that had escaped Jared about there being only two leads in the movie was that they’d be in virtually every scene together. From morning until close of filming for the day, Jensen was in his space. Even when there were other characters in a scene it was still all about Sam and Dean, which meant Jared and Jensen were practically on top of each other.

In fact, the first scene they filmed was in Dean’s car, a 1967 Chevy Impala. Jared and Jensen were sitting in one of six Impalas on set; this one tricked out with cameras and set in front of a green screen. The car might look big, but the inside was anything but. Jared felt like he was trapped in a clown car with Jensen. If he moved his arms, his hand was touching Jensen’s hand and if he shifted in his seat, their legs would press together. He kept fucking up his lines, or was too busy trying not to touch Jensen that he’d miss his cue.

For the tenth time, Kim called ‘cut.’ “Jared, what’s the problem? The line isn’t that hard. Can we just get one decent take on this scene, please.” 

Jared tried to smile at Kim where he was leaning down into the passenger side window. “Sorry, I guess I’m just a bit nervous. I’ll get it right next time I promise.” 

Kim nodded at him and called to a crew member to reset. When Kim called ‘action’ again, Jared forced himself into Sam’s headspace and finally, _finally_ was able to get his lines out.

Despite getting a few decent takes of that scene, things only got worse as the day went on. Jensen knew something was wrong with him. Once he noticed Jared flinching every time they touched in a scene either accidentally or scripted, the little bit of friendliness Jared had felt at the beginning of the day from Jensen disappeared. His face completely shut down when they weren’t doing a scene and he stayed as far away from Jared as possible. 

It was so bad that it started to attract the attention of the crew. Everyone obviously had heard about the long-running rivalry between he and Jensen, but they both had assured Paramount when they signed their contracts that it would not interfere with filming. It looked like the crew was second guessing that, given the stares he noticed after he and Jensen accidentally knocked into each while blocking a scene. 

Jared stumbled over his feet and tripped forward. He reached out for something to break his fall and it just so happened the closest thing was Jensen. Knocking into him heavily, Jared was able to steady himself, but he had thrown Jensen back into a wall—hard.

Righting himself, Jared immediately tried to apologize. “Sorry—sorry, I didn’t see the cables on the ground.”

The cold glare Jensen threw at him sent a shiver down his spine. “Watch where you’re going, jerk.” 

Jared tried to apologize again, but Jensen was already halfway across the set.

*** 

Despite the fact that it was incredibly obvious that Jared didn’t want to touch him, Jensen had actually started to feel bad for Jared. At first, Jared’s flinches every time they touched had made Jensen’s anger flare up, but then Jensen just started to pity him. 

Jensen stopped thinking about Jared long enough to grab dinner from craft services before evening shooting started. He sat with a group of the crew, but wasn’t paying much attention to their conversation. He was thinking about what to do about Jared when something interesting caught his ear. 

He dropped his fork and turned toward a PA he thought was named Maggie. “What did you just say?”

Maggie looked startled for a moment. She probably hadn’t realized Jensen was sitting right next to her, and she was looking a little embarrassed. 

Jensen prodded again. “No, really, what did you say?”

Maggie cleared her throat. “Oh well, uh—I was just talking about Jared and Zach. You know, Zachary Quinto, he’s on Heroes with Jared. Anyway, we were just wondering who broke up with who.” 

Maggie was more than a little red-faced, having been caught talking about Jared’s personal life, but Jensen couldn’t care less. “You’re sure about that, Jared was dating this Zach guy?” 

Maggie nodded her head enthusiastically. “Oh yes. One of the hair girls, Tina, worked on the _Heroes_ set. She said Jared and Zach were always a little too close and comfortable and pretty much everyone suspected they were sneaking around, hiding their relationship until a few months ago when they suddenly stopped speaking to each other at all.”

Maggie was still talking, but Jensen had stopped listening. He stood from the table leaving his food behind. He couldn’t believe this. He had to find this Tina person to find out if this was just set gossip or the actual truth. Because if it _was_ true—Jensen was going to be pissed.

All this time, Jensen had worried himself sick hiding who he was—had been worried Jared was going to tell the world he was gay and ruin his career, and the entire time, Jared had been hiding the same secret.

It was unfathomable to Jensen. If Jared was gay or bi or whatever, then he knew exactly what it was like to be closeted in Hollywood, to hide who you were in order to get a job or keep a job. Instead, Jared had used Jensen’s fear of being outed to gain something from him, and Jensen thought that was despicable. 

He would never put someone else through what Jared had put him through all these years. As he stalked toward the hair and make up trailer, he could only think of one thing—finding out the truth. 

*** 

Jared was sitting in his chair near the set, thinking about the situation between him and Jensen. He’d started observing Jensen, and Jared was surprised to find how different Jensen acted when he wasn’t around. It was almost as if a load of tension lifted from his shoulders the second Jared was out of sight. 

Jensen relaxed and joked with the crew, he took an interest in what the directors were doing and how sets were being built. A few days ago when they’d met Jeff—Jeffrey Dean Morgan, the guy playing their father in the movie—Jensen spent his entire break talking with him. Intrigued by how easy-going Jensen was with other people Jared couldn’t help but be a little annoyed that Jensen and Jeff were getting along so well so quickly.

Realizing he had been sitting alone on set for most of the dinner break, Jared stood to head toward the craft services tent when he saw Jensen storming from that direction toward the trailers.

With a scowl and look of determination on his face, Jared had to wonder what had gotten Jensen so upset. After seeing him stomp into the makeup trailer, Jared silently followed, creeping up slowly and crouching next to the door.

He couldn’t hear much and the conversation was hard to follow. Jensen was definitely upset and though he was questioning Tina, the makeup girl, he didn’t seem upset with her.

Jared ears strained even further when he heard his own name float through the trailer door. Then he heard shuffling noises and he couldn’t hear anything again. Dying to know what this whole thing was about Jared crept closer; this time without question he heard both his name and Zach’s, as well as ‘gay,’ filter toward him. 

Eyes widening, Jared drew back. Was that what Jensen was upset over? Jared and Zach had kept their relationship as secret as best they could, they both knew being out in Hollywood was as good as putting a big black X on their foreheads, but he was sure some of the _Heroes_ crew suspected them. Tina worked on that set as well, so she had surely heard rumors about them. 

Stunned, he leaned back against the trailer. He knew Jensen was an asshole, but he’d never taken him for a homophobe. Running his fingers through his hair, Jared turned to head back to his trailer, trying to absorb this new information. When he turned, he caught sight of Jeff coming from the set. Jeff had caught Jared spying at the trailer door.

Their eyes met and they stared for a moment before Jared hurried away after hearing the door of the trailer rattle from the inside. Worried that Jensen had seen him, Jared glanced quickly over his shoulder. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Jensen’s head was down, not looking anywhere near him. 

*** 

Jensen barreled through the trailer door, his mind reeling. Everything Maggie had said had been confirmed by Tina. Completely thrown for a loop, Jensen wasn’t sure which way was up. Upon spilling out into the open air, he immediately saw Jeff. 

At first he thought Jeff was looking elsewhere, but as soon as he saw Jensen he headed toward him, obviously seeing the distress on his face.

Jensen had only met him a few days ago, but they’d been working on scenes involving Sam, Dean and John recently and he and Jensen had clicked instantly.

Jeff put a hand on his shoulder and they walked toward Jeff’s trailer. “What’s up with you? You look ready to string someone up.”

Jensen was tired—exhausted, even—all the stress having sapped every bit of energy out of him. “It’s Jared.”

Jeff nodded. “I’ve heard you two don’t get along. I can’t imagine why—you’re both pretty down to earth for this business. What is it between you guys?”

Jensen squeezed his fist, cracking the knuckles in his fingers. They entered Jeff’s trailer and he shut and locked the door. “Can I trust you, Jeff? I mean really trust you. I feel like you and I have gotten to know each other pretty well. Normally I would never tell you any of this, but it’s making me crazy and I’m afraid if I don’t tell someone it’s going to ruin the whole movie.”

Jeff settled in on his little couch. “You can trust me, I’m not the kind to run and spread everyone’s secrets. I have a few doozies of my own I wouldn’t want getting around, but I’d tell ‘em to you.”

Rubbing the sweat from his palms on his jeans, Jensen sighed heavily. “Okay, so, um here’s the thing—I’m—well I’m gay.” His head bowed as he said the words, but he lifted his eyes to peek at Jeff’s reaction when the silence had gotten to be too much for him. 

Jeff’s stubble-rough face was softened with a smile. “Is that what all this is about? Because, I gotta tell you Jensen, you’re not the only actor in Hollywood hiding that secret.”

Some of the tension melted from Jensen’s shoulders and he looked up at Jeff. “No, that’s not all, but you need to know that to understand. Look, even if being out in this business wasn’t a taboo, I’m not the type to spread my private business around. I’ve always kept that part of my life separate from my work. I learned a long time ago that people will use what they know to get ahead and, well, that’s exactly what Jared did to me. We met years ago at a club in LA. I was there with some people with _Dark Angel_ and he saw me in a moment of weakness. I’d met a guy that night and we ended up in the bathroom together. Jared saw us and he used that to get me to bring him up into the VIP balcony and introduce him around. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but to me it’s everything.”

Jensen released a heavy stilted breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “After that night I was freaked out to all hell that Jared would out me. I kept waiting for it to show up in a tabloid or on the internet, but when it didn’t I sort of relaxed until I met Jared again about a year later at a WB event. I tried to avoid him, but he came right up to me and even brought up how we met. I lost my cool and said some things about him I shouldn’t have, and ever since then, we’ve avoided each other. Of course, the more well known we each got, the more the media picked up on it, and the whole thing got blown up into this supposed huge rivalry. Seriously, I’ve heard that we’ve had brawls and fought over actresses. None of it’s true, of course, mostly we just avoid each other, but I’ve been deathly afraid that at any moment Jared could out me. Until today, of course when I found out he’s gay too. Jared’s been seeing some guy he works with.”

Jeff shifted on the couch taking everything in. Jensen couldn’t tell what he was thinking; Jeff looked engaged in the conversation, but Jensen couldn’t read any sort of reaction from him. “Isn’t that insane? All this time I’ve felt like he’s been holding my secret over my head. All this time I’ve been afraid to be with anyone for fear of being found out and in the meantime, Jared’s been running around with some guy like it’s nothing.”

Jensen’s anger had gotten the best of him as his voice got thready and strained. “It’s not right! I’ve been terrified for years because of him—”

Jeff reached out to him, grabbing Jensen’s hands to steady him. “Calm down. Breathe and just calm down.” Jeff waited until his breathing had evened out. “Okay, I get that what Jared did was bad, and that you’ve been holding onto all this for a long time, but if you let this continue to run your life, you’ll never get out from under it.”

The warmth from Jeff’s hands seeped through him as Jensen tried to get his thoughts straight. Finally, he spoke again. “I don’t want to live my life like this, but I don’t know how I could ever not be angry with Jared.”

Jeff patted his knee. “You can be angry with him, but you’re still going to have to find a way to work with him if you want to make this movie. Speaking of which, it’s about time we got back to the set. We start filming again in thirty. You think you can do it?”

Sucking in a deep breath, Jensen nodded. “Yeah, just let me splash some water on my face and we can head back.”

*** 

Jared hadn’t sleep at all the night before and as he stood on set waiting for filming to begin this morning, he tried to get his mind to focus. His brain was a swirling mess. On the one hand, he had Jensen, the man he knew as a rude jerk. While on the other hand, Jared knew that Jensen was freaked out because Jared was gay. So not only was Jensen a jerk, but he was a homophobic jerk. Jared winced. Things were so screwed up.

It didn’t help that the first scene they were filming this morning was a pretty emotional one between the brothers. How was he supposed to sit next to Jensen and look at him like a brother that he loved, when he didn’t even want to be in the same room as Jensen?

Without having even seen Jensen, Jared knew his co-star had arrived on set. Neither looked directly at the other, but Jared kept glancing out of the corner of his eye and he had the feeling Jensen was doing the same. Their little game of keep-away came to an abrupt halt when Kim arrived on set. 

Kim’s appearance broke the unspoken stand-off between Jared and Jensen, but the tension in the air rose. Kim called them together and started explaining his idea for the shot, where the cameras would be during the first set up and what he expected out of the two of them.

Jared nodded his head, listening intently to Kim’s words and never looking in Jensen’s direction. Eventually, Kim was ready to begin shooting. Jared sat on the bed on the motel set and Jensen sat next to him, both taking care to avoid touching.

When ‘action’ was called, Jared tried to slip into Sam’s character. The words were there, but the emotion behind them was lacking. It seemed Jensen was having the same problem; a pivotal scene between the brothers was falling utterly flat. Take after take was called and the surrounding crew began to grumble and whisper. Finally, Kim—frustrated and annoyed—called cut for the eighteenth time. “That’s enough! We’re not getting anywhere and everything on this reel is total crap. I don’t care what kind of history you two have or whatever the hell issue is between you. I’m calling a thirty minute break and I expect you two to work out the problem and be back here ready to work—for real!” His stern gaze lingered on the actors for a moment and then he stormed off, leaving Jared and Jensen embarrassed and the crew in shock that Kim called them out in front of everyone.

*** 

Jensen watched as the crew pretended to go about their business, but were not-so-slyly watching him and Jared. Despite wanting to confront Jared yesterday, Jensen was petrified today of talking to him. He had no idea what he wanted to say to Jared, he had no clue as to how the whole thing would play out, but it was affecting their work and it had to stop.

Glancing around quickly again, Jensen ran a hand through his hair. “I really don’t want to do this with an audience. We can go to my trailer.” He stood and walked toward the lot where his trailer stood, not looking back to see if Jared followed.

Jensen may have been confident in his stride, but his pulse was racing and he could feel his first layer of t-shirts sticking to his back with sweat. He heard Jared following him, but he couldn’t make himself turn to look back. Reaching the trailer, Jensen opened the door and Jared followed him in.

They stood in silence, Jensen pulling at his t-shirt, which was beginning to stick uncomfortably to his chest. As he scrambled for something to say, Jared spoke up. 

“I know what your problem with me is.”

*** 

Jared couldn’t believe he was standing in Jensen’s trailer having this conversation. He couldn’t believe he was even talking, but he couldn’t stop the words from spilling from his mouth. “I heard you yesterday talking with Tina. I know you found out that I’m bi. But you only found that out yesterday, so what I don’t know is what your problem has been with me all this time.”

Jensen’s face was turning a rather unflattering shade of red, and his eyes looked like they were going to burst right out of his face. Jared would almost find it amusing if the situation they were in wasn’t so damn serious.

Jared watched as Jensen took a shaky breath, which didn’t seem to help much because he could barely keep his voice steady as he spoke. “My problem with you—you don’t know what my problem with you is? How about the fact that you’re a conniving asshole, who from the moment we met has been exploiting me?”

Confusion spread across Jared’s face. “Wha—” 

Jensen’s hands balled into fists that shook at his sides. “Don’t try to play dumb. You used the fact that you saw me with a guy in the bathroom at the club back then to get me to bring you up into the VIP balcony and you’ve held my secret over my head ever since. So don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Jared was stunned; he was literally stunned into silence. He could feel his mouth opening and closing and he knew he must look like a startled blow fish. “What—no—that’s not—I didn’t know, I swear!”

Jensen was shaking his head, obviously not believing him. “Jared, you stood in that bathroom and told me you wouldn’t tell anyone about what you saw if I took you up into the balcony. Don’t stand there and pretend what you did was anything but blackmail.”

“No!” Jared couldn’t help raising his voice. “No, I’m telling you I had no idea. I was wasted that night and I when I heard rustling from that stall I thought you were sick. I never thought you weren’t alone, I never saw any guy. I swear to God, I would never do that. You have to believe me—I didn’t know.”

Jared felt Jensen’s uncertainty, he could almost see the gears turning in Jensen’s head trying to process what Jared had just told him. “No, there’s no way—are you telling me that, after all this time, you didn’t know?”

Jared felt bad for Jensen, he’d obviously spent years agonizing over this. “I didn’t know. _I didn’t know_.”

Jensen looked as if all the air had leaked out of him; completely deflated, he turned and walked out of the trailer.

Jared stood staring after Jensen thinking that this movie was going to completely fall apart.

*** 

Jensen ended up back on set when Kim was ready to start filming again, but he wasn’t sure how. Ever since Jared had said he hadn’t known about Jensen and Nate his mind had been reeling. When he found his way to the set, Jensen was afraid to look at Jared, but Jared only seemed concerned and maybe a little nervous.

When Kim asked if they were ready to get back to some real work, both actors nodded eagerly. They took their places on the motel bed again, and this time all the emotion the previous scenes had been lacking swelled between them. 

Jensen’s eyes met Jared’s and he felt Dean wash over him. The lines flowed freely and it was as if they were Sam and Dean. 

When the scene came to an end, Jensen couldn’t break character until he heard Kim call out, “Cut!” He stepped onto the set from behind the camera and clapped a hand down on Jensen’s shoulder. “Now that is what I’m talking about. If you boys keep this up, this movie, without a doubt, will live up to all the hype. Now we’re going to take it again from the top. Reset!”

Jensen found Jared grinning at him and he hesitantly returned a small smile. He was still uncertain about Jared, but maybe, just maybe they could work this out.

*** 

The following day Jared arrived on set early bringing with him an extra large cup of steaming black coffee. He waited by the make up and costume trailers determined to catch Jensen before he slipped past him. 

If all the problems between him and Jensen were all because of a stupid misunderstanding Jared was going to try as best as he knew how to fix it. He spotted Jensen coming towards him and at the same time Jensen noticed Jared waiting. He could see Jensen pause, wondering if he could get away with heading in another direction, but Jared lifted his arm and attempted a wave despite the coffee cups in hand. 

Jensen slowly continued toward him and Jared smiled. “Uh—hi.”

Jensen shifted on his feet, glancing back in forth still wary of Jared. “Hey.”

Jared extended the cup of coffee he brought for Jensen, offering it to him. “I—uh—brought this for you—as kind of peace offering. I know it can’t really make up for everything, but I couldn’t think of anything else to get you.” 

Jensen stared at the cup of coffee. For a moment Jared thought he might refuse it, but tentatively Jensen took the cup. “Uh—thanks.”

The two stood awkwardly, Jensen looking at the coffee, but not drinking it.

Jared fidgeted. “Oh—well—it’s how you like it. I think—strong, black, no sugar.”

Jensen lifted the cup like he forgotten he was holding it. “Okay—uh—thanks again.” He turned toward the costume trailer and hurried off.

Jared watched as Jensen disappeared in wardrobe thinking this was going to be harder than he’d expected.

*** 

Jensen watched as Jared tried to get some of the cast and crew play tag while on break. He was running back and forth between two crew members tagging them and laughing clear and loud across the set.

Feeling Jeff come to stand at his side, Jensen turned away from Jared’s antics to face him.

Jeff nodded toward the group actually starting to play some sort of weird version of tag that Jared was shouting rules for. “Aren’t you going to join them?”

Jensen glanced back and shrugged his shoulders. “Nah—not really my thing.”

Jeff bumped his shoulder teasingly. “What? You too mature?”

Jensen shook his head.

Jeff prodded again. “Oh I see you’re tired. Do you need a nap?”

Jensen pursed his lips trying not laugh. “No.”

Finally, Jeff threw his hands up in frustration. “Look, Jen, you need to get past this. I know it’s tough. I know you’ve spent years thinking Jared had intentionally used you, but he is really trying. It’s not easy for him either.”

Jensen’s shoulders sagged. “It’s not that easy for me. I can’t just let it go.”

Jeff rested a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m not saying you should forget everything. I don’t expect you two to be best friends tomorrow; all I’m saying is at least try. If you get to know Jared a little bit I think you’ll see he’s not the bad guy you’ve built him up to be in your mind.”

Jensen again looked over to where Jared was running in circles—half the crew chasing him. Jared looked up and caught Jensen’s eye. He smiled tentatively and waved Jensen over.

Turning back to Jeff, Jensen smiled. “I guess it won’t hurt to try.” He moved to head toward Jared and the rest of the crew, but at the last moment he looked back over his shoulder. “Hey, Jeff, thanks.”

*** 

Jared was ecstatic—he wasn’t sure what had changed, but in the last few days Jensen had been responding to his efforts at being friends. Jensen started eating lunch with Jared and joined in when Jared had fun with the crew. It was starting to feel like they actually might become friends. After Jensen helped him pull an interesting little prank on Samantha, Jared decided to invite Jensen out for dinner and drinks. He thought if they could get together one-on-one it would help them get to know each other better. He’d wanted Jensen to come to his place, but Jensen had looked extremely uncomfortable at the idea, so now they were headed to a local pub. They had been sitting at the table for almost fifteen minutes, but neither had spoken yet. 

“So—um.” Jensen took a sip from his beer “I just want to say—I’m sorry. I know this was my fault. I jumped to conclusions about you back then, and then I called you out at that WB party. I know I was an asshole. You have every right to hate me.” Jensen pounded down half his beer, looking relieved to get the words out.

Jared sipped at his own beer. “Hey—hey let’s not go back to that. We’re here to forget about all that. Besides, I don’t hate you. In fact, if I’d have been in your position and thought what you did about me I’d have reacted the same way. I just want to wipe the slate clean.”

Jensen looked stunned. “I can’t believe you can just forgive me like that.”

A smile dimpled Jared face. “Well, if you get to know me, you’ll find out that is exactly the kind of guy I am. I don’t usually hold grudges. So what do you say? Now, why don’t you tell me something about you?”

Still looking a bit shell-shocked, Jensen nodded, a slow smile turning up the corners of his lips, as he started to talk. 

*** 

Jensen was amazed by how good of a guy Jared was. It was hard at first to accept that Jared was as genuine as he seemed. Since their dinner together, Jensen had watched Jared get into more trouble pulling harmless pranks on set than Jensen could have ever imagined. Even now as he waited at craft services for Jared, he could see Jared running from whatever he’d done to Ted from Props.

Jared bounded into the dining tent and immediately headed for the food. “Jen! Hurry up; I’m so hungry I could eat a cow.”

Laughter bubbled out of Jensen as he watched Jared pile a Styrofoam container high with salad and chicken with mushrooms, and took a slice of both the cherry pie and chocolate mousse cake on display at the end of the table. 

Jensen’s container wasn’t nearly as full as Jared’s, but he was starving and couldn’t wait to tear into his meal. Consciously trying to make an effort to be friendly, Jensen teasingly asked. “Jared— I can’t believe you’re gonna eat all that. Doesn’t all that make you sick?”

Shoveling a large bit of chicken into his mouth, Jared smirked. “Nah, it gives me the energy to deal with you, you pain in the ass.” 

Playing along, Jensen set his fork down with an affronted huff. “ _Me_ a pain in the ass? Look who’s talking there, buddy. I wasn’t the one that kept cracking up while filming with Jim and Jeff this morning. Thought Jeff was gonna smack you silly ‘til you stopped all that cackling.”

A plate dropped on the table next to Jensen as Jeff slid onto the bench next to him. Jeff grinned up at Jared as he picked up his fork. “Still might slap this one around a bit—only so many times I can watch him giggling like a twelve year old girl before I want to smack some sense into you.”

Jared grinned. “Aw, Jeff, you don’t find me funny? I’m hurt.”

Jeff sipped from his bottle of water. “Oh Jared, I know you think you’re hilarious.” He poked Jensen in his side and caught his eyes, tilting his head thoughtfully. “I guess I can deal with it though, it’s a lot better than when there was total silence on set.”

The three men shared a three-way look and then Jensen broke the silence. Jerking his thumb at Jared, “Come on, Jeff, better get back to your food, before the human vacuum over here hoovers both yours and my meals.”

“Hey!” Jared pouted. “I’m a growing boy.” He flung a piece of lettuce at Jensen. It stuck to Jensen’s cheek and his eyebrows shot up into his brow. 

Instinctively, Jensen wanted jump up and shout at Jared, but seeing both Jared and Jeff trying to stifle their laughter Jensen relaxed. It was just a joke after all. With a casual flick, Jensen shot a piece of cucumber from his own plate at Jared and next thing he knew the two of them were in engaged an all out food fight. 

Jeff dodged the flying food, grabbing his plate and running, shouting back with laughter in his voice. “Twelve year olds—the two of you—I swear!”

*** 

Jared could see it was still taking Jensen some time to warm up to him, but the more Jensen opened up the more it made Jared want try harder to show Jensen they could actually make this movie and be friends. 

It had been almost a month since they’d finally gotten everything out in the open. Filming on the movie was going amazingly well. More than once Jared had found himself so wrapped up in Jensen as Dean that it was hard to shake off his own character when Kim would call cut. It seemed as they got more comfortable with each other their acting soared and that was the final breakthrough they needed to actually become friends. 

On a Friday after work, the cast and crew had gone to a local bar for a few drinks. Jared wound up doing shots with Jensen, and Jeff had to put them in a cab headed home before either of them passed out in the bar.

In the back of the cab, Jared giggled and leaned into Jensen. “I totally grabbed Jeff’s ass when he was helping me in the cab. His eyes bugged out of his face like a grasshopper. It was hilarious. Did you see Jensen? Jen? Did you see?”

Jensen’s head lolled to the side, pressing into Jared’s shoulder. Jared could feel Jensen’s heated breath ghosting over his neck. His giggling stopped abruptly and Jared shivered. Twisting in the seat, Jared shifted to touch Jensen’s face—eyelashes fanned out over Jensen’s dusty cheek and then fluttered as Jensen woke himself up. 

Blinking like an owl, Jensen sat up quickly. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. Where are we anyway, almost home?”

It took a second for the question to sink in and Jared glanced out the window. They were almost to Jensen’s apartment. They still sat nearly in each other’s laps and Jared realized his hand lay heavy on Jensen’s thigh. His eyes dropped to where he could feel Jensen’s warmth against his palm. He cleared his throat and tried to discreetly remove his hand. “Uh—yeah, almost at your place.”

Jensen’s eyes had followed the retreat of Jared’s hand and then rose up to meet Jared’s gaze. “You’ll be okay the rest of the way by yourself?”

Suddenly more sober than he liked to be, Jared nodded. “Yeah—no problem.”

When the cab stopped in front of Jensen’s building, they sat, neither able to look away from each other, until the cabbie broke the moment asking if one of them was getting out. 

Jared watched Jensen tumble from the cab and stumble up his walk. At the last moment before the cab pulled away he turned back and waved. Jared lifted his hand to wave back and then sunk into the backseat. Things just got a little more complicated.

*** 

Jensen lingered in the costume trailer waiting for Jared to leave hair and makeup. He’d avoided Jared’s phone calls and texts all weekend, and was feeling a little foolish now. After all that happened between them, the last thing either of them needed was do something stupid like fall for each. What happened Friday night in the cab was only a result of too much time since the last time Jensen had been with someone combined with too much alcohol.

He and Jared had only just become friends and he didn’t want to do anything to mess with that. So what if they shared a drunken moment? It was nothing more than two friends having a good time. Jensen straightened the coat he wore over two layers of shirts—despite the balmy LA weather outside—and headed off to set. 

Walking toward the soundstage that housed one of the Impalas and the green screen, Jensen saw Jared pacing, obviously waiting for him. He steeled his nerves and called out. “Hey, Jared, you wearing a path into the concrete over there?”

Jared looked startled by Jensen’s greeting. “I was waiting for you. I didn’t hear from you all weekend, I wanted to see if you were alright.”

Jensen kept his smile in place. “Sorry, I was totally wiped. I slept practically the whole weekend. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

He could see Jared staring at him, trying to decipher Jensen’s reactions. Jensen just wanted to alleviate any worry Jared had that things wouldn’t be weird between them, so he tried again, this time laying a hand on Jared’s bicep. “I’m fine, really. Just got some well-needed rest and now I’m ready to work. How ‘bout you?”

The tinge of worry in Jared’s expression faded and he nodded, but Jensen was frozen to the spot where he was standing. Where his hand rested on Jared’s arm, it felt like a million tiny explosions making his whole hand tingle. No matter how much Jensen didn’t want to admit it, that touch felt like a lot more than just friends. He was only able to release Jared when he turned to walk into the soundstage. “Come on. Let’s knock this scene out of the park.”

*** 

Jared had been going crazy when he couldn’t reach Jensen all weekend. When he saw Jensen approach him, smiling and waving, the only thing Jared could think was that Jensen was too drunk to remember what happened in the back of the cab. 

That was until Jensen touched his arm and it felt like a live wire had zapped him.

Jensen wasn’t fooling him. He knew full well what happened Friday night, and if Jared’s suspicions were right, Jensen was feeling some of the same things Jared was.

They filmed in the Impala all morning. Some of the takes were awful. The scene had been revamped recently after Kripke had a look at last week’s dailies. He’d decided to change a few things at the last minute, and this scene had two new pages of dialogue. 

Both he and Jensen kept missing lines and everyone was frustrated. 

Kim walked in front of camera two and yelled, “Cut! Let’s take a twenty minute break. Boys, go find someplace quiet and get those lines down. I’m going to re-examine my camera angles and when we come back I expect you to know this back and front.”

Jared knew Kim was just as frustrated with the changes as they were and wasn’t really blaming them, but Jared still felt like a scolded child.

When he and Jensen locked themselves in his trailer, Jared was totally focused on getting the new lines down. That was, until he looked up from the pages of the script and saw Jensen’s wide green eyes staring at him. 

The way Jensen was looking at him caused such a fluttering in Jared’s stomach that it made him wonder if this was more than just a crush. Jensen flushed a rosy blush realizing Jared had caught him staring, and his head ducked in embarrassment.

Jared reached out immediately, grabbing at Jensen’s hand and forcing him to meet his eyes again. “Don’t, don’t do that.” He could see the apprehension in Jensen’s eyes and it only made Jensen all the more adorable. Without thinking, Jared leaned in and brushed his lips over Jensen’s. It wasn’t much of kiss—their lips barely touched—but when Jensen’s gentle breath ghosted over Jared’s mouth as he released the softest of sighs, Jared knew that he wanted this. 

Leaning forward, Jared pressed his mouth tight over Jensen’s, licking at his plump bottom lip. He tasted amazing and Jared pushed his tongue into Jensen’s mouth to taste every bit of him.

Gasping for breath, Jensen pulled away. His eyes were dazed, and Jared wanted nothing more than to dive in and ravish his mouth again. “Jared—stop—we can’t do this.”

The crinkling of the pages of script forgotten between them brought Jared back to where they were and what they were supposed to be doing. Even so, he couldn’t stop the smile he knew broadened his face. “Okay, you’re right we can’t do this—right now, but I’ve wanted to do that since Friday night in the cab and you won’t be able to stop me from doing it again later.”

Jensen blushed again, pink staining his cheeks. They grabbed for their scripts and started reading the lines, but no matter how often they read the lines Jared couldn’t force his gaze from Jensen’s mouth.

When a PA came to tell them Kim was ready for them again, Jared grabbed Jensen before he could leave the trailer. “Don’t think I’m letting this go. After work don’t run off anywhere. We have to talk.”


	3. It's A Thin Line Between Love and Hate - Part Three

 

Jensen’s hands were shaking liking he was going to pass out. They’d made it through the afternoon’s scenes and had gotten some pretty good takes to work with, but Jensen couldn’t stop thinking about Jared kissing him.

It made Jensen feel alive, and every time he caught Jared looking at him from across the set, Jensen melted under his intense gaze.

Jared wasn’t kidding around about talking after work. Jensen could already see Jared heading straight for him, now that filming was wrapped for the day.

Jensen followed Jared back to Jared’s condo in his car. Halfway there, he was tempted to turn around and just go home, but he had a feeling if he did that Jared would just turn his car around and follow him. Walking up the path to the condo, Jensen couldn’t even look at Jared, he was so nervous. Even once in side, Jensen busied himself playing with Harley and Sadie until Jared hustled the dogs into the yard and Jensen was left to face Jared alone.

Having no idea what Jared was going to say Jensen waited, pulling at a loose thread on his jeans.

Finally, Jared sat next to him—a little too close—and spoke in a soft tone. “Look, Jen, I was serious when I said I wanted to kiss you. I know this seems like the worst possible timing, but I can’t ignore what I’m feeling. I’ve thought about it all weekend and at first I thought maybe what I was feeling was simply us becoming friends, but when I look at you now, I see much more than a friend.”

Jensen’s breath hitched. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Obviously, Jensen liked Jared, he was quickly becoming someone that Jensen felt he could open up to, but until that night in the cab Jensen hadn’t considered Jared in that way. That kiss though, that kiss opened Jensen’s eyes and now he couldn’t imagine not kissing Jared again, not touching him, not exploring every inch of that long, beautiful body.

Jarred from his thoughts by Jared’s hand on his arm, Jensen looked up to find Jared looking at him with concern. “Are you okay? Did you hear what I just said?”

Realizing he’d been staring off into space, Jensen looked up to meet Jared’s slanted hazel eyes. “I heard you.”

Jared waited for him to say something else, but it was like his mind was stuck and he couldn’t think of anything to say. He simply leaned forward and kissed Jared.

It was even better than the first time, and from the moment their lips touched; Jensen was in heaven. He felt like a fumbling teenager, but at the same time, like he and Jared had been doing this forever.

Burying his fingers in Jared’s hair, he pulled Jared into him and let Jared push him into the couch. Feeling Jared’s muscled body pressed down on him made Jensen arch and moan into Jared’s mouth.

Every nerve ending was on fire and Jensen’s couldn’t stop touching Jared. His fingers caressed the soft spot on the back Jared’s neck and he let one hand skate down Jared’s back to squeeze his ass.

It had been so long since he was able to luxuriate in someone’s body rather than just having a quick rub and tug in a bathroom that Jensen was going to take every opportunity to touch Jared. The seal of their kiss broke. “I’m going to touch every inch of you.”

Jared’s incredible grin blinded him before he arched up for another kiss.

***

Jared laughed at the utter silence from the earpiece of his phone. He could just picture Chad’s mouth hanging open in shock.

Jared shifted the phone to his other ear and used his free hand to rub Sadie behind her ears. “Well. Aren’t you going to say something? Or are you just going to sit there catching flies?”

Chad spluttered on the other end of the phone. “I can’t believe it. For years I’ve listened to you complain about this guy, you went on and on like he was the devil incarnate. Now not only are you guys buddy-buddy, but you’re fucking him too!”

Jared could feel the heat spread over his cheeks. “We’re not fucking—yet. It’s not like that. We’ve really connected.”

A loud snort blasted through the phone. “Don’t give me that ‘connected’ bullshit. You’re hot for him and you want in his pants.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “How am I even friends with you? It’s really not like that. Sure we have a history, but that was all a misunderstanding. We got to be friends before any of this came up. Besides, we haven’t done more than kiss.”

“If you’re so connected, how come you didn’t closed the deal yet, tap that ass and stop whining in my ear about all the touchy-feely crap.”

Amused by Chad’s lack of any sort tact, Jared chuckled. “I don’t know why I bother to try and talk to you about anything. Call me when your brain thinks about more than just sex. Night.”

Chad said goodbye just before Jared snapped his phone shut, and then he leaned back on his couch, kicking his feet up onto his coffee table, a happy smile stretched over his face.

***

Jensen’s nerves were on edge as he waited for Jared to arrive on set. Last night had been amazing, but Jensen, better than anyone, knew that sometimes things didn’t look so shiny in the light of day.

Chewing on the skin around his thumb nail, Jensen paced. He was so lost in his thoughts that he was startled when Jared snuck up behind him. Arms wrapped around his waist and he felt the warmth of Jared lips press against his neck. “Hey, you.”

For a moment, Jensen sank into Jared’s body, but when he realized they were standing out in the open on set he sprung away from Jared as if he were on fire.

Confusion radiated from Jared. “What’s wrong?”

Jensen’s gaze swept the area anxiously, still keeping a good five feet between himself and Jared. “Someone could have seen.”

Jared’s eyes followed Jensen’s fervent sweep of the set, then he reached for Jensen again. “Dude, calm down. There’s no one around. Now, kiss me.”

Jensen really wanted to just grab Jared and kiss the sly smirk off his face, but Jensen was still the same guy who’s been in the closet for years and he’s not ready to step out of it. He knew there was a tone of pleading to his voice when he stepped further back from Jared. “Jared, please, not here.”

He could see the playfulness leave Jared’s face as he took in the tension in Jensen’s body. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. Let’s go to your trailer. We’ve got forty minutes before we have to be ready.”

Jensen smiled and followed Jared, but he could tell Jared was hurt and confused. As soon as they were through the trailer door, Jensen was babbling, trying to explain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—I can’t just _do_ that. I can’t be that person.” He was flustered and knew he wasn’t making any sense.

Jared approached him and settled his hands on Jensen’s shoulders. “Slow down. Sit here with me and tell me what you’re freaking out about.”

Taking a deep breath, Jensen sat with Jared on the small couch. “You know that everything that happened between us back then was about me freaking out that you saw me with a guy. That isn’t going to change overnight. I’ve always been a private person, and even though I _do_ like you, Jared, I’m not ready to go public with that.”

Jared’s hand rested heavy on his thigh. “I get that. I really do, I’m not ready to be on the cover of a tabloid with you either, but there wasn’t anyone around, Jen. We were alone and you were flipping out.”

His eyes locked on the floor and Jensen ducked his head. “We were still in public, Jared, and there are eyes everywhere.”

Jared stared at him like he was insane, and Jensen could feel his blush deepen. “I’m sorry. I know I have issues.”

Eyes widening, Jared shifted closer to Jensen. “No—no, I just—this is the way you’ve lived? Never kissing or touching another guy anywhere in public?”

Jensen shrugged. “What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t take the chance of getting caught again. I already thought you knew and I thought I’d lucked out and you weren’t saying anything yet, but I wasn’t going to be stupid and get caught again. Besides there wasn’t much of an opportunity for me to be affectionate in public, I haven’t had any sort of real relationship in a long time.”

Jared looked stunned. “Is this—did _I_ do this to you?”

Shaking his head Jensen covered Jared’s hand with his own. “No, I already had those issues. Like I said, I still do, but I’m willing to work on them with you. I’m just not ready to tell people, is that okay?”

Jared smiled softly. “Of course, but when you say you’re not ready to tell people do you mean anyone at all? Because I might have told Chad when I talked to him last night after you left.”

His heart jumped into his throat and Jensen had to force himself to take deep breaths. He swallowed around the giant lump in his throat. “Yeah, I guess. I have to start somewhere, right? And you trust him, he’s your friend, so he wouldn’t hurt you?”

Jared nodded jerkily. “Totally, Chad can be an ass, but he’s loyal.”

Forcing himself to relax, Jensen rolled his shoulders and leaned toward Jared.

Jared ducked his head so his lips were next to Jensen’s ear. “So can I get that kiss now?”

A warm rush flooded through Jensen and he kissed Jared like it was the first time all over again.

***

Jared wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to go public with what was happening between him and Jensen, but Jensen was downright paranoid. He barely let Jared sit next to him without tensing up, and if Jared wanted to goof around and tried to grab Jensen to play fight? He’d jump away as if Jared had stuck him with a hot poker.

The crazy thing about it? All Jensen’s weird quirks and paranoia’s made Jared fall even harder for him. After what amounted to only a few short weeks, Jared realized that he had never felt like this, not even with Sandy.

So when Jared asked Jensen if he wanted to grab dinner on Friday night, he was more than a little disappointed when Jensen looked at him like he’d lost his mind. It wasn’t like he was planning to molest Jensen in the middle of the restaurant! It took a lot of persuasion to get Jensen to agree, but finally they were sitting at the same local pub they first talked about their history at, eating burgers and drinking beer. “See, I told you this wouldn’t be a problem. To everyone else here it just looks like two friends having dinner.”

Jensen blushed behind his burger. “I know that, but I also know that’s not what’s really going on here. I’m sorry if I made a big deal about this.”

Taking a quick sip of his beer and then setting it on the table, Jared spoke. “Stop apologizing for how you feel. I don’t care that you’re freaked about coming to dinner with me. I care that you’re trying and that you’re here.”

The flush, bright and rosy, on Jensen’s cheeks was so adorable Jared couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed about the constant apologizing.

Jensen knew how to play him though, because the second Jared started staring at Jensen’s freckles, the blush disappeared and a bit of playfulness appeared on Jensen’s face. “I know you’re all gung ho about having dinner out, but you won’t mind if we take dessert to go? I have a few ideas about what we could be doing behind closed doors.”

Jared’s gut flared hot at the look of lust in Jensen’s eyes. Swallowing the last of his dinner, Jared raised a hand to the waitress. “Check please.”

Jared didn’t remember the trip back to his house, getting up to his bedroom or even shedding their clothing, but the moment he rested his naked body over Jensen’s his mind opened to a sudden clarity. He could feel every inch of Jensen’s heated flesh pressing against him and Jensen’s tongue was doing wicked things to his nipple.

Jensen’s mouth separated from his flesh and Jared ducked down to capture his swollen red lips. Kissing Jensen was like falling off a cliff. Jared felt like he was free falling and his body was weightless.

Jensen jerked and arched beneath him and Jared felt Jensen’s cock press up against his. Reaching down between them, Jared took both their dicks in hand and began to tug.

Jensen was moaning and making little needy sounds that were driving Jared to distraction. He thrust his hips frantically against Jensen’s heavy cock.

Jensen had quieted and Jared focused down to see why. When he caught sight of the same thing Jensen was looking at, his breath hitched in his chest. They were both staring at their cocks pressed together, swollen heads red and shiny with pre-come. Jared’s long fingers were slick and glistening, and each time the heads of their cocks popped through the circle of his fingers, Jensen mewled.

It was the hottest thing Jared had ever seen and apparently Jensen felt the same way, because when Jared squeezed their dicks again, Jensen groaned and spilled warm come all over Jared’s fist and his own belly. Jared’s breath stuttered as he watched their cocks glistening with Jensen’s come continuing to thrust in his hand. He felt his balls tighten and then Jared flooded over Jensen’s belly as well.

His hair hung in his eyes and he was panting like he’d just run ten miles, but he couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face when Jensen whispered, “If going out to dinner gets me orgasms like that, we’ll be eating out a whole hell of a lot more, that’s for sure.”

Jared chuckled. “Shut up, you smart ass, and kiss me.”

***

Jensen felt like he was floating on air as he walked onto set the next day. It was as if all the weight that had been pressing down on his shoulders had lifted.

Jared had to be on set before Jensen this morning. They were filming separate scenes today—Jared with Jim and Samantha, and Jensen with Jeff. Even though Jensen was dying to see Jared, it was probably better they weren’t filming together today. Jensen really didn’t think it would appropriate for Dean to be popping a hard-on while talking to Sam, and the way Jensen was feeling he certainly wouldn’t be able to control his response to Jared.

Walking to the soundstage where he and Jeff would be filming, Jensen passed Fred and waved, a huge grin plastered on his face. He finally reached the set, excited to get down to work. He was ready to knock the hell out of this scene between Dean and John.

He found Jeff immediately, sitting in his chair waiting for the crew to finish setting everything up. Jensen plopped next to him in his own chair. “Hey, man, how are you this morning?”

One of Jeff’s eyebrows arched in question as he carefully sipped his hot coffee. “Huh? Why are you so chipper this morning? You’re usually buried nose deep in a cup of coffee until at least noon.”

Jensen shrugged. “Just had a good night’s sleep, I guess.”

Jeff shifted and looked Jensen over, his stare penetrating. Suddenly, he sat up, coffee forgotten. “You got laid!”

Jensen’s eyes widened and his shoulders immediately hunched up around his shoulders. He tried to feign innocence. “What, no! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Looking on knowingly, Jeff smirked. “Don’t give me that bullshit. Nothing else is gonna make you smile like that. You got laid good and proper, huh? Tell me—” Jeff lowered his voice and shifted his eyes to make sure no one was in hearing distance. “—was it Jared?”

Jensen’s head popped up and he could feel his heart begin to race. There’s no way Jeff could have known right? “Huh? No!”

Jeff’s smirk widened into a full-on grin. “It so was! I’ve had my suspicions about you two after you worked out your old bullshit, but I couldn’t tell for sure until just now. Good for you man, it’s about time.”

All Jensen’s old fear pulsed through him. “You can’t tell anyone. I can’t have the whole crew knowing. I can’t—”

Jeff patted Jensen’s shoulder. “Calm down, I'm not going to tell anyone. I’m just happy for you two.”

A small smile appeared on Jensen’s face. Even though he was a little freaked out, he knew it was a huge step to trust Jeff and be okay with him knowing about him and Jared. Maybe Jensen would finally be able to work through some of his issues. He settled back in his chair still smiling. “Thanks, now let’s talk about this scene.”

***

Filming was getting a little hectic. They were coming to the end of the shoot and everyone was frantically trying to get everything right. Jared could hardly believe that two months had passed since he first set foot on set—still hating Jensen.

Right now though, he was enthralled with watching Jensen interact with the crew. They were playing basketball during their break, and not only did Jensen look completely worry-free—joking and laughing—but while they were rough-housing earlier, Jensen had grabbed him from behind without any hesitation and laughed right up from his belly when Jared flipped them around and grabbed Jensen in a full-on hug.

Jensen still refused to do anything that might be considered a public display of affection in front of anyone, even Jeff—the only person on set who knew about them, but Jared didn’t care. Jensen was opening up and if Jared thought he liked Jensen before—now Jared could honestly say he felt like he was falling in love with Jensen.

Jensen ran toward Jared—his face pink with exertion and glistening with sweat. He bounced the ball at Jared. “Hey, space cadet, you gonna stare at the hoop all day or play with us?”

Jared pitched his voice low so only Jensen could hear. “I really only wanna play with _you_.”

Jensen’s whole face was awash in crimson, no longer from the active pick-up game.

Jared dribbled the basketball, skirting Jensen and shot the ball—sinking it easily. “You coming over tonight?”

Completely oblivious to the basketball game still going on around them, Jensen stared at Jared in his sweaty t-shirt and shorts. “Definitely.”

The last scene of the day took longer than Jared had planned, but before he realized, he and Jensen were being dropped off in front of his house. As soon as they were inside Jared fed the dogs and then collapsed on the couch next to Jensen. Jensen’s head was lolling against the back of the couch leaving his throat exposed to Jared. He ducked in and sucked at Jensen’s Adam’s apple. Muffled by Jensen’s skin around his mouth Jared whispered, “Been waiting all day to do this to you.”

A low growl rumbled in Jensen’s throat. “Then what are you waiting for?”

Jared felt Jensen twist and slide his hand under Jared’s shirt low on his belly. “Maybe before we get too comfortable here, we should move this to the bedroom?”

Jensen’s eyes were closed as he basked in Jared’s tender kisses. “Hmmm—what? Yeah—yeah let’s go to the bedroom.”

Kissing him once more, Jared stood and hauled Jensen with him. They stumbled to the bedroom, Jared leaving a trail of clothes along the way. By the time they got to the bed they both were shirtless and shoeless.

Pushing Jensen down onto the bed, Jared skimmed the flats of his hands over Jensen’s chest and crawled over him to press his body to Jensen’s. He traced the pad of his index finger over Jensen’s nipple, teasing it to a hardened peak before he ducked his head down to suck it into his mouth.

Jensen arched under him. “Don’t tease me, Jared.”

Jared grinned wickedly, “What, you want me to tease you?”

He traced his tongue over the dusky skin around Jensen’s nipple and then continued to trail barely-there kisses down Jensen’s chest to just above the button of Jensen’s jeans. Jensen mewled loudly when Jared popped open his jeans and pulled both the jeans and his boxers from Jensen’s legs.

Jared was once again in awe at seeing Jensen’s naked skin dusted with pale freckles and fine ginger hairs. Saliva pooled under his tongue and Jared couldn’t stop from immediately dipping his head to tongue the slit of Jensen’s cock. Jensen’s hips jerked up and his eyelids fluttered.

Pressing his fingers into Jensen’s hips to steady him, Jared ducked again taking just the head of Jensen’s cock into his mouth. He swirled his tongue over the musky flesh, tasting the burst of salty pre-come leaking from the tip. Jared hummed deep in his throat. “Mmmmm,” then pulled back, “Taste so good Jensen, I could do this all day.”

A bark of laughter burst from Jensen. “Don’t know if I could last all day.”

Jared smirked, “Well, let’s find out.”

He sucked Jensen’s dick into his mouth again, tonguing under the ridge of the crown and then taking Jensen as deep as he could. Jensen bucked and moaned. “Wait, Jared—Jared, want you inside me.”

Jensen’s cock popped from Jared’s mouth sticky with saliva. Jared stared at the vision Jensen made—all hardened nipples, angry red cock, half-slitted eyes. He looked completely debauched. Jared had to palm and press down on his dick just to keep from coming at the sight. “You sure?”

Jensen’s eyes opened enough for Jared to see the small ring of emerald circling Jensen’s pupils—blown wide. “Totally sure.”

Jared fumbled out of his jeans and boxers and grabbed lube and a condom from his nightstand. Jensen sprawled out on his bed, panting in anticipation as he waited for Jared. Slicking his fingers, Jared returned to the bed to kneel between Jensen’s spread thighs. “God, you’re gorgeous.”

Spreading Jensen’s legs wider, Jared circled one finger around his opening, slicking the area before pushing just the tip of his finger in. Jensen groaned and ground his hips down trying to take more of Jared’s finger in. “More, Jared. More.”

Pressing his slick finger inside Jensen, Jared’s breath hitched at the tight heat enveloping him. Jared carefully worked Jensen open, pushing his fingers inside and stretching him. When he had three fingers easily inside and Jensen was panting and growling, Jared slipped on the condom.

Fisting his cock and giving it a good squeeze, Jared guided it to Jensen’s ass, rubbing the tip over Jensen’s opening before slowly pushing inside. If Jared thought the sensation of having his fingers inside Jensen was unbelievable, the feeling of being buried balls deep in him was unreal.

Jensen gripped Jared’s biceps, pulling himself up and arching to force Jared to move. Slowly Jared began thrusting, careful at first, but then picking up speed as Jensen urged him on.

With Jensen’s thighs wrapped around his waist, Jared thrust deep into Jensen, hitting his prostate and making Jensen squeak. Jared shifted on his knees to reach in and circle his fist around Jensen’s cock. It was leaking pre-come and glistened so beautifully, Jared wished there was some way he could suck Jensen right now.

He settled for slamming his hips harder against Jensen and jerking his fist around Jensen’s cock. Jensen panted, “So good, Jared, fuck, so good.” With a full-body shudder, Jensen came, spurting come over his belly and chest. One small bead shone on Jensen’s throat and Jared leaned down to lick it up.

As soon as the taste of Jensen’s come burst on his lips, Jared’s hips stuttered and he came, jerking uncontrollably. They were a sticky mess, but Jared didn’t care. He pulled out of Jensen and tossed the condom in the trash, before sliding up next to Jensen completely limp—sprawled on the bed.

Jared brushed his finger lightly over Jensen’s lips then kissed him softly, whispering into Jensen’s mouth. “Love you.”

Jensen hummed, content and half-way to dreamland. “Me too.”

***

The last week of filming was rough. They filmed one of the big fight scenes that included several demon extras and just about everyone in the cast. Jensen had gotten used to filming mainly with Jared; they worked so well together and had such an amazing chemistry that they hardly had to do the scene more than a few times, and that was usually just for different camera angles. However, working with so many more people led to more mistakes and infinitely more takes.

Jensen wasn’t angry though, just tired and frustrated. He sat in his chair off to the side next to Jared. Jared sneakily rested his hand on the back of Jensen’s neck to calm him. A few weeks ago Jensen would have shrugged him off and been halfway across the soundstage by now, but Jared had really loosened him up. Now, Jensen just let the warmth of Jared’s hand seep into him, relaxing him.

Kim was barking at a few crew members who were adjusting the lighting and then calling to the cast to start getting into position. One of the makeup girls checked both Jared and Jensen all the while smiling at Jared’s hand resting on Jensen’s upper back. Jensen couldn’t care less about what she thought; he was happy.

Kim clapped his hands and Jensen rose with Jared, Jared’s hand still settled on his back as they walked to their mark. A few crew members bustled around getting the last few things in place before Kim called for quiet on the set and they were rolling.

It still took several more takes, but finally the scene was shot and done. Jensen gravitated toward Jared, who was already pulling him toward craft services. “Jen, I’m so hungry I could eat a cow, no, a horse! Come move your ass, I need food.”

Jensen laughed and shoved Jared playfully. “You’re always hungry. I swear I could feed a small country with the amount of food you put away.”

Jared pouted. “I told you once before, I’m a growing boy.”

They knocked into each other again, easy banter flowing between them, until Jensen heard some of the extras giggling.

“Aww, they’re so cute.”

“Look how they can’t keep their hands off of each other!”

“They way they look at each other! There might as well be no one else in the room.”

Jensen stumbled, ice shooting down his spine. Up until that moment, Jensen hadn’t even thought about how easy it was to touch Jared in public anymore, he didn’t even think of flinching or pulling away when Jared touched him.

Glancing around fervently, it didn’t look like anyone else seemed to find it strange how close he and Jared were. Had Jensen outed himself without even realizing it?

Jared was looking at him funny and Jensen realized he’d stopped walking and was just standing and staring. “Something wrong, Jen?”

Jensen opened his mouth then closed it quickly. He quirked an eyebrow and then smiled. “Nope, nothing’s wrong at all.”

Jensen shoved Jared a bit and let his hand stay rested on Jared’s back for a long moment. “Come on, let’s get you fed before you’re the one possessed and plowing down people to get to the food table.”

***

After filming on _Supernatural_ wrapped, Jared had been nervous about what would happen between he and Jensen. They had been spending every day together on set, working together, eating together and goofing together, but now Jared was worried that without _Supernatural_ forcing them to see each other everyday, they might grow apart.

Jared didn’t need to worry, though. He spent more quality time with Jensen now than he had a chance to before. Without filming to worry about, they were constantly together. They took Harley and Sadie to the park to play, they hung out eating junk food and playing video games—they even went out to dinner in public without Jensen hyperventilating.

One memorable afternoon they spent at the beach—Jared couldn’t stop staring at the expanse of freckled skin shining golden in the California summer sun. He spent half the afternoon standing waist deep in the ocean hiding the hard-on prominently on display in his board shorts.

About three weeks after filming had ended, Jensen and Jared were lounging in Jared’s living room, lazy—sprawled across Jared’s over-sized couch. Jared was the happiest he’d been in so long and he didn’t want to move from where he lay with Jensen’s head in his lap—stroking his fingers through Jensen’s soft hair.

Jensen settled closer against Jared’s thigh, his eyes half-closed as Jared tried to lull him to sleep. “Got a call from my agent today, with all the buzz about the movie, they’re fast-tracking it through editing to be released in December just in time for Christmas. The premiere is going to be just after Thanksgiving.”

Jared continued to run his fingers through Jensen’s hair. “Hmm, I know, I got the same call from my agent. They want us to do all sorts of publicity to promote it. Are you going to be able to get back from Hawaii to fit it all in?”

Jensen sighed against Jared’s leg—soft breath floating over Jared’s thigh. “Yeah, my character doesn’t have much of an arc during the first half of the season. I won’t have nearly as heavy of a schedule as I did last year. I should be able to be here for most of what they’ll need me for and definitely for the premiere. My agent was practically salivating over the opportunity for exposure at the premiere. Apparently they’re inviting every big director, producer and actor in town and everyone’s dying to see it.”

Jared couldn’t help the pride that radiated through him at being involved in a project that everyone was so excited to see. “Yeah, Jeff said half the cast of _Grey’s_ has been needling him for details on the movie.”

Jensen laughed—the vibrations resonating through Jared. “We so need to prank call him again—who should we be this time when we call? Patrick? Sandra? Ellen?”

Jared snorted in laughter, remembering the threatening messages Jeff left on his answering machine after their last prank. Jeff was so mad—Jared could practically hear him fuming through the phone. “Maybe we should hold off for a bit, Jeff was pretty pissed the last time. Maybe we should call Jim instead. We barely got to have any fun with him on set.”

Jensen nodded his head and Jared’s hand slipped from the crown of Jensen’s head down to rest on his shoulder. They sat enjoying the comfortable silence until Jared worked up the nerve to bring up what he’d been thinking about recently.

“So.”

Silence lay heavy around them as Jared searched for the right way to ask this. Jensen shifted so the back of his head rested on Jared’s leg and he could look up at Jared’s face. “What?”

Jared was flustered—he knew broaching this subject would not sit well with Jensen. “Well, ever since my agent called about the premiere. I’ve been thinking.”

Sensing Jared’s unease, Jensen sat up—bending a knee up to sit facing Jared head-on. “Yeah?”

Jared rubbed the back of his neck and dove in to get it all out at once. “Well, things have been going really well between us and we’ve really come a long way from hiding in our trailers, so I was kind of thinking that we could go to the premiere of the movie together—as a couple.”

Jared looked at Jensen—trying to read what he was thinking behind those hooded eyes–but Jensen’s face had shut down, frozen somewhere between shock and disbelief. It was killing Jared, waiting for a response from him. “Jensen, what do you think?”

Suddenly, Jensen’s thousand-yard stare cleared and he was shaking his head. “No, Jared, no way. I can’t. That’s way too much. Do you know what that would be like? With all the press that’s going to be at that thing we’d be plastered all over every internet site and magazine around the world.”

Jared grasped for Jensen’s hands to keep him from jumping up from the couch. “Please just listen to me Jensen. I love you and I don’t care what people are going to say about us. We’ve already talked about meeting each other’s families, and by the time premiere rolls around we’ll have done that. It’s not like it would be a surprise to any of our friends or families.”

Jensen wrestled his hand away from Jared and stood. “No, I’ve come so far because of you—coming out to more than just Chris and Steve, going places with you in public without freaking out about being thought of as a couple—but I’m not ready to come out to the world. You’re pushing too hard, too soon, Jared. I can’t do it.”

Jared stood as well, a bit of anger welling up in his belly. “You won’t even consider it? I want to show you off to the world Jensen, I hate hiding. I hate not being able to introduce you as my boyfriend. I hate not being able to show the world who I’m in love with!”

Jensen started pacing, distraught at Jared’s words. “You said we’d take things slow, go at whatever pace I’m comfortable with. Why are you forcing me to do this? Who knows if we’ll even still be together in five months!”

Jared stepped back as if he’d been slapped. Pain radiated up from his gut and his heart clenched. “You don’t think we’ll be together in five months? Is this just some fling to you? I love you, Jensen. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve made compromises from the beginning and I’m only asking you to consider coming out with me at the premiere. But if you can’t even think about it, if you’re not sure we’ll even be together then, then maybe this relationship isn’t one I want to be in. I mean, when you said you loved me, did you even mean it?”

Jensen sighed, frustrated. “That’s not fair, Jay. You know I love you, I do. I just—I’m not ready for all this. Please don’t leave me, I don’t want that. I do want us to be together. I was trying to say you never know what could happen in five months. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.”

Jared steeled his nerves. “That’s exactly what I’m talking abut, Jensen. We don’t know what could happen and I don’t want to go out in a car crash without ever having held your hand while walking down the street or having kissed you on the sidewalk just because I want to. I’m sorry, Jensen, but you’re making me feel like I’m doing all the heavy lifting here and you won’t even hear me out on the one thing I’ve asked of you. Relationships don’t work that way. I’m sorry, but I don’t think _I_ can do this.”

Jensen looked like he’d been kicked in the gut. For a moment Jared thought Jensen was going to give in, say he’d think about coming out publicly, but at the last second, his face closed itself off and his eyes hardened. “I’m sorry too, Jared, because asking that of me is too much. I guess—” Jensen cut himself off, choking on his words. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

Jensen fumbled on the table for his wallet and haphazardly stuffed his feet into his sneakers not bothering to tie them and with one last heartbreaking glance was out the door.

Jared collapsed onto the couch, his head buried in his hands and his hair falling in his face. He felt like his world just had ended.

***

Jensen barely left his apartment for the next week. He didn’t go out, or talk to anyone, he barely ate. He didn’t do anything except sleep and stare at the ceiling.

The only reason he even got out of bed today was that he could feel his skin itching from lack of shower and he was too depressed to scratch. As he stood in his bathroom, his reflection caught his eye. If anyone had ever looked like death warmed over it was Jensen. His hair was matted and greasy, he was pale and he had enormous dark circles under his eyes.

Jensen wanted nothing more than to call Jared and fix this whole mess, but the only way to fix things was to agree to think about coming out publicly, and Jensen really didn’t think he could do that.

Turning the shower on, Jensen climbed in and started scrubbing his skin. As the water rushed over his body, Jensen felt some of his strength return. He knew what he wanted and fuck Jared for thinking he could bully Jensen into changing that.

Jensen was going to shower, clean his apartment and finish packing. Next week he was going to fly to Hawaii and start filming his TV show and Jared wasn’t going to make him feel bad about his decision.

***

A week had passed, and next week filming started on season four of _Heroes_. Jared had to be on set bright and early Monday morning, but he felt anything but ready for that. His body physically hurt without Jensen. If he knew anything about withdrawal, he’d say that’s what it felt like he was going through.

It was his own fault—he knew that. He sprung his request on Jensen without any forewarning. Jensen was skittish enough about their relationship anyway, so surprising him was not the way to go about asking him to come out.

However, Jared couldn’t let the things he wanted fall by the wayside just to appease Jensen. A relationship was a compromise and up until then, Jared had made all the compromises. As much as it hurt him, if Jensen wasn’t willing to even consider Jared’s request, Jared couldn’t be with him. Now he just had to figure out how to live with that decision.

***

The months leading up to the much awaited premiere of _Supernatural_ flew by, mostly because all Jensen did was work and sleep. He was miserable and everyone on the cast and crew of _Lost_ knew it.

Jensen hadn’t mentioned Jared at all, but most of them thought his change in attitude had something to do with _Supernatural_ and Jared. They walked around him on egg shells never knowing if he was even listening to them talk. While Jensen suffered, his work flourished. He poured every bit of misery and pain into his character, and the result had the fans raving about his performance week after week.

He should be flying high at both the fan and critical acclaim—there was even talk of an Emmy nod coming his way—but Jensen was anything but happy.

After months of hearing Jensen’s sullen voice over the phone, Chris had finally decided to fly out to Hawaii to harass him. When Jensen picked him up at the airport, he thought their first outing was going to be the Honolulu jail. Chris couldn’t keep himself away from the grass-skirted hula girls who were giving out leis. When Jensen found him, he had six rings of flowers around his neck, several phone numbers stuffed in his pockets and two security guards on his tail.

It was the first time in months Jensen heard himself laugh. Chris chatted away on the ride to Jensen’s bungalow on the beach. He had a bunch of new songs he wanted to play for Jensen and was hell-bent on getting him to sing backup on the next Kane album, since Jensen had already sung on Steve’s recent solo album.

It was good to have Chris there, but Jensen knew it would only be so long before Chris brought up the subject of Jared. He actually held out longer than Jensen thought he could. They made it through dinner that night and an entire day of sightseeing before Chris demanded to be brought to the nearest local pub. “Not some tourist trap, Jenny. I want to meet some real Hawaiian girls.”

Jensen laughed and knew right then they were in for a long night.

There was a small local place Jensen often stopped by on the way home from work that had good drinks, great food and even nicer people. They settled at a table in the back and Chris immediately ordered several rounds of tequila shots and a couple of beers. He grinned at Jensen. “What’re you drinkin’, ‘cause this is all mine.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the beers.

Chris pushed two of the shot glasses toward Jensen. “If you’re gonna steal my beer, you have to do the shots, too. You know the rules.”

Normally, Jensen would have balked at doing shots—he could drink with the best of them, but shots, especially tequila, always knocked him on his ass—but he didn’t care anymore and maybe getting drunk would help.

He and Chris ate greasy burgers and shot more tequila, until the alcohol buzz pulsing through his veins made him feel like his whole body was vibrating. Chris had shifted his chair around the table so he was right next to Jensen and slung his arm over Jensen’s shoulder. “Jenny-boy, you’re fucking everything up.”

Jensen blinked owlishly. “Huh?”

Chris poked him in the chest with a long finger. “I said, you’re fucking it up. You’re miserable and you need to fix things with Jared before they’re—before they’re unfixable.”

Jensen was too drunk to have this conversation. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Chris, so just stay out of it.”

Chris shook Jensen jerkily with the arm wrapped around Jensen’s shoulders. “I can’t stay out of it. I’ve never seen you like this, man. It’s like you’ve given up. You’re worse now than when you were paranoid and hiding in the closet. I know you love Jared. You’ve got to fix things, Jensen, for your own sake. It’s killing you.”

Shaking his head, Jensen shoved Chris’s arm from around him. “You don’t know what I need; only I know what I need.” Jensen was pointing wildly at himself. “I don’t need Jared. I don’t.”

The look on Chris’s face cleared and some of the slackened drunkenness slid from his features. “Sounds like the person you’re trying to convince is yourself. Are you really gonna let the best thing that ever happened to you get away? You’re the one always tellin’ us to go after what we want—take it and don’t give up on it. How can anyone take you seriously when at the first sign of a little rough road you run—tail between your legs?”

Guilt ran deep in Jensen’s gut. He knew Chris was right. He knew Jared was _the one_ and he was letting him slip away. His voice was tight and strained when he spoke. “What he wants me to do, Chris. I don’t know if I can.”

Chris forced Jensen to look him in the eyes. “Listen, anyone who matters don’t give a flying fuck who you love, I sure as hell don’t, Steve doesn’t, your family doesn’t and look at what you have here.” Chris gestured around the bar, but he’s really talking about the show and everything that goes with it. “The only one who gives a fuck about whether you’re gay or straight is you.”

“But Chris,” Jensen argued, “Everyone says it’s ok to be gay, but I’ve seen gay actors get treated differently. Fewer parts, typecasting, you name it. How can I risk everything I’ve worked for?”

Chris stared Jensen squarely in the face. “True, things could be tougher in your career, but you have a huge fanbase. I bet you’ll find things a lot smoother going than you’re expecting. But you’re missing the point. It’s really about what’s most important—your job or your life? You tried putting your job first for all those years, and Christ, you were miserable! Maybe it’s time to change your priorities, put your life first this time. Put love first.” Chris ran a hand over his face wearily as he reached for the last shot. “God, I sound like a chick.”

The alcohol and Chris’s lecture were making Jensen’s head swim. He’d never admit to it, but he was a hair away from tears hearing Chris’s words. Sighing heavily, Jensen met Chris’s gaze again. “What am I supposed to do? It’s been months, he’s probably moved on.”

Chris signaled for the check. “Well then, Jenny, you’re going to have to win your boy back. You’re done filming until after Christmas, right?”

Jensen nodded reluctantly.

Chris smiled with a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Then, after my visit here is done, you’re flying back to L.A. with me to get your man.”

Jensen felt like he wasn’t getting enough air and his head might explode, but for the first time since he walked out of Jared’s apartment four and half months ago, he felt like he was doing something right.

Jared tried to tell him that you have to sacrifice for the one you love. Well, right here in Lani’s Bar, leaning drunkenly against Chris, Jensen knew he couldn’t let Jared go—he was the person Jensen had been waiting for—and now he knew exactly what he had to do to win Jared back.

***

Jared lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He had a million things he could be doing, but at six o’clock with the sun beginning to set and the sky turning a burnt orange, all Jared wanted to do was lay here and think about Jensen.

He’d gone over it a million times in his head—what he could have done differently, how he might have been able to make Jensen understand his side. It all came back to the fact that Jensen wasn’t even willing to _consider_ a change for Jared.

It still hurt him deeply that Jensen would do that, and no matter how hard Jared tried to get past it, he just couldn’t.

The premiere of _Supernatural_ was only a few weeks away—he’d already started doing publicity for the movie, and the photos he and Jensen had shot months ago were plastered on half the billboards in L.A.—and Jensen would be joining him soon on the press circuit.

Jared wasn’t ready to see Jensen. He wasn’t sure he could handle it privately, let alone in front of all the media frenzy surrounding _Supernatural_. Lying on the bed with Sadie to his right and Harley to his left, Jared’s cell phone rang. He groped in the tangle of sheets for the phone and answered without looking at the display.

He wasn’t surprised to hear Chad’s scratchy voice greet him. “Hey man, you still lying around like someone died?”

Jared shook his head at Chad’s crassness. “Shut it, dude. I’m so not in the mood for that tonight.”

There was a short silence and then Jared heard Chad sigh. When he spoke again his voice was serious. “Look, you’ve been like this for months, you either need to shit or get off the pot.”

Jared sat up in his bed, startling Sadie and Harley. “What the fuck?”

Chad’s voice carried through the phone. “I’m not being an ass, Jare. What I mean is, you can’t keep going on like this, you’re unhappy and also no fun. You need to either need to make things right with Jensen or get over him—no more sitting around moping. Mopey Jared is no fun.”

Jared settled back against his pillow and Sadie and Harley returned to dozing at his sides. “I know, I know I have to get over him, but the more I try to put him behind me the more I think about him.”

Jared thought Chad’s silence meant he was waiting for Jared to speak again, but then Chad’s voice much softer than before drifted through the receiver. “Maybe that should tell you something then. If you can’t get over him, then maybe you aren’t meant to.”

Stunned, Jared sat frozen on the bed, his phone pressed to his ear. When the hell did Chad become the voice of reason?

“Jared, you still there?”

Jared shook the static from his head and really thought about what Chad was saying. “Maybe you’re right, but I can’t go back to the way we were before.”

Chad continued to dispense sage advice. “Well then you need to go back to him until you work something out that you both can live with. When did you start giving up so easy?”

Gently, stroking the soft fur behind Sadie’s ear, Jared answered. “I didn’t want to give up, but I didn’t have any other choice.”

Chad snorted. “There is always a choice. You just have to have the balls to make it. Jensen’s gotta be coming into L.A. soon to do all your publicity shit, so talk to him. Don’t give up.”

Never in a million years would Jared have thought Chad would be the one to get him off his ass, but the guy was right. “Yeah, yeah okay. As soon as Jensen gets to L.A., I’ll go see him, make him to talk to me. We’ve got to be able to work this out.” Jared was already feeling better, his chest not quite so tight. “Thanks man, you’re a good friend.”

“Aww, Christ, don’t start all the gay shit with me. Just fix it so I can have fun Jared back.”

***

After a nerve-wracking flight from Hawaii to L.A., Jensen dropped Chris at his place and headed straight to Jared’s house. He’d been standing on the porch for the last fifteen minutes as he tried to work up the courage to knock on the door. Backing down the front steps again, Jensen contemplated retreating to his car, but he saw Jared’s smiling face behind his eyelids and forced himself back up the stoop to ring the bell before fear could stop him.

As soon as the bell rang, Jensen could hear barking and the commotion of Sadie and Harley barreling for the front door. He heard the resonance of Jared’s voice telling them to quiet down and back up. Whatever Jared was going to say to the dogs next died on his lips when he looked through the open door and saw Jensen standing on his porch.

Jensen almost had to laugh at how stunned Jared looked, but he didn’t think it would go over too well if the first thing he did was laugh in Jared’s face. Trying to feel out how Jared would react to him, Jensen smiled softly. “I—um—was hoping we could talk.”

Blinking rapidly, Jared just stared at him before he broke from his stupor and, pushing the dogs back, stepped aside. “Uh—sure, come in.”

Jensen followed Jared through the house and into the living room with Harley and Sadie twisting around his legs. Once he sat on the couch, the dogs lifted up their paws in his lap, barking, happy to see him. Jared had to pull them back and toss them each a treat to get them to settle onto the floor. Eyes sliding back and forth between the space on the couch next to Jensen and the arm chair, Jared finally settled on sitting in the chair facing Jensen. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Now that the moment was here, Jensen was almost at a loss as to how to start, but while his brain may have been stalled, his mouth still worked. He blurted out, “I’ve been an asshole.”

Breathing a heavy sigh, Jensen continued. “I was an ass not to listen when all you were trying to get me to do was hear you out and consider what you were saying. I was ass for leaving. I was ass for letting you do all the compromising in our relationship, but most of all, I was an ass for being angry with you for only wanting to be who you are. It was my issue with coming out, and I tried to make it about you. I’m sorry. I know I’ve let so much time go by, but I’ve finally opened my eyes and I’m ready to make this relationship work. Do you think you could give me another chance?”

Jared had been listening intently to everything Jensen had to say and his normally relaxed face was stiff in thought. Waiting for Jared to answer was making Jensen’s chest tighten and his stomach clench, but finally Jared met Jensen’s gaze. “Yes.”

Immediately, Jensen sat forward, ready to barrel into his pitch on why Jared should give him another chance, but when the fact that Jared actually said ‘yes’ filtered in, he was left floored with his mouth hanging open and his eyes opened in shock. “What?”

Leaning forward, Jared repeated himself. “Yes, I said yes.”

Still unable to comprehend that Jared had said yes, he cocked his head, looking perplexed. “That was easier than I thought it would be. I had a whole speech prepared.”

Jared’s lips curled up at the edges. “Well you could still give me your speech if you like, but I’m saying yes.”

Finally smiling, Jensen stared into Jared’s eyes. “Why? I mean, why are you taking me back?”

Jared stood and moved around to sit next to Jensen on the couch—his hand settled onto Jensen’s knee. “I’ve been missing you like crazy. I can’t get over you and I finally realized I don’t want to. I was an ass too; I pushed you on something I knew you weren’t ready for. I just got it into my head that the only way to move forward in our relationship was to come out together. I was actually going to come looking for you to see if you would take me back, apparently I’m not Fun Jared without you.”

A glowing heat radiated through Jensen’s chest as Jared spoke. Jared missed him too. Jared really wanted to be with him. “Wait—what? Fun Jared?”

Jared snorted and ducked his head. “Yeah, it’s something Chad said to knock some sense into me, apparently I’ve not been any fun since we broke up and have been mopey. Chad wants Fun Jared back. So I guess we can thank him for getting us back together.”

Grinning, laughter bubbled out of Jensen, “Well if we’re thanking Chad, we’re going to have to thank Chris too. He basically told me the same thing. I guess our friends know us better than we know ourselves.”

Shifting closer to Jensen, Jared’s hand that had been at Jensen’s knee started to slide higher. “Yeah, but right now I don’t want to be thinking about Chad or Chris. I’ve been missing you an awful lot. I think I should show you how much.”

Jensen’s eyes followed the path of Jared’s hand up his thigh until he cupped Jensen’s dick through his jeans. Immediately, blood rushed from the rest of his body, hardening his cock. “I _definitely_ think you’re going to have to show me in lots of detail. Sometimes I’m really slow on the pick up.”

Jared’s grin was blinding as he leaned in and pressed his mouth over Jensen’s. The burst of warmth and wet against Jensen’s lips made his brain short-circuit. Pressing his tongue into Jared’s mouth Jensen deepened the kiss, lifting his hands to the back of Jared’s head and winding his fingers though Jared’s mess of hair.

Jensen savored the taste and shifted his legs wider to accommodate Jared’s hand still massaging his half-hard dick through his jeans.

Finally, Jensen broke the kiss, gasping for breath—eyes glassy and cheeks flushed. “Bedroom, now. Want you to fuck me.”

Groaning, Jared stood, dragging Jensen up with him. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other as they groped all the way to Jared’s bedroom. It was exactly as Jensen remembered, right down to the mess of dirty laundry littering Jared’s floor. Kicking the door closed behind him, Jared slammed Jensen’s back against it. “God, missed your mouth, missed your body—missed _you_.”

Jensen shook as Jared’s hands explored his body, his fingers brushing over the soft flesh at the inside of Jensen’s elbows and over the visible sliver of skin just above Jensen’s belt. Resting his forehead to Jensen’s, Jared broke their kiss—his panted breathing heavy across Jensen’s face. “Need to get these clothes off of you now.”

They grappled with their clothes—belts thumping onto the floor and shirts floating to the carpet. Finally they were both naked and on Jared’s bed.

Jensen was achingly hard and leaking pearly strings of pre-come across his belly as Jared loomed over him kneeling between his knees. Jensen’s cock jerked at the sight of Jared’s dick flushed dark and hanging heavy between his legs. “God, forgot how big you are. Can’t wait for you to be inside me.”

Jared hovered over him—his arms on either side of Jensen’s head, his lips just out of reach for Jensen to kiss him. “Please, please.”

Jared ducked down brutally kissing his mouth—nipping at Jensen’s plump lower lip. Shifting, Jared reached between them, grasped both their cocks and began to slowly slide his hand up. Jensen moaned into Jared’s kiss and dug his fingers into Jared’s biceps.

Jerking his hips wildly, Jensen pressed desperately into Jared’s strong touch. “Please, Jared, want you in me, now.”

Releasing their cocks, Jared reached across to the nightstand and grabbed the tube of lube from the drawer. Popping the cap, he slicked his fingers and teasingly caressed the tender skin behind Jensen’s balls. At the first touch of cool slick, a shiver rolled through Jensen’s body and he groaned in anticipation.

Jared nudged at his hole, pushing until one finger pressed inside—moving in and out achingly slow. Jared’s eyelids fluttered. “God, Jensen, so tight, I don’t remember you being this tight.”

Jensen’s body bowed and he spread his thighs wider—opening to Jared more as he pushed a second finger inside him. “No one since you, there’s been no one else since you.”

Jared moaned—scissoring his fingers and stretching Jensen. “Me neither, no one but you.”

Lifting his hips trying to bring Jared closer—bring him deeper—Jensen thrashed desperately needing more. “Jared, I’m ready, please fuck me. Fuck me.”

Reaching for the lube again, Jared slicked his cock and traced the head down Jensen’s crease. He leaned over Jensen—lips brushing against Jensen’s as he spoke. “I missed you so much.” As Jared pressed his cock into Jensen, he took Jensen’s mouth in a tender kiss.

When they pulled back, their eyes met—Jared’s hazel ones glazed over. After pausing for a moment for Jensen to adjust, Jared began slow, smooth thrusting in earnest—his hands skating over Jensen’s chest and brushing over the cut of muscle outlining Jensen’s abs.

Jensen whined and dug his fingers into Jared’s supple flesh; his dick was heavy, straining up—pressed between their bodies. Panting, Jensen whispered hoarsely. “Jared—oh God—gonna come.”

Jared sped up his thrusts—forcing his eyes to open—to watch Jensen lose control. Babble spilled from Jensen’s mouth and he felt an explosion that was like fire low in his belly and tight in his balls. He came viciously, Jared never having even touched his dick.

It was one of the hottest things he’d ever seen—Jared thrusting erratically, hair plastered to his face and come dripping off his face and chest. Jensen’s cock jerked again valiantly, spurting a small string onto his belly. At that moment, Jared arched—throwing his head back—growling—and digging his fingers harder into Jensen’s hips. Jared spilled hot inside him. All the tension melted from Jared’s body as he slumped over Jensen—his dick slipping from inside him.

They were a mess—sticky with cooling come—but Jensen let Jared curl over him, and wrapped his arms around Jared’s back, stroking gentle caresses up and down his spine.

Eventually they had to move, and Jared shifted to stand and pull Jensen with him toward the shower.

Jensen stopped him—cupping Jared’s face in his palms and brushing a soft kiss over his lips. “I love you. I love you more than anything else in this world and this time we are going to get it right.”

The light that filled Jared’s eyes made Jensen feel like the only person in the world. Jared traced one long finger over Jensen’s brow and down to his lips before dipping down to kiss him once more. “I love you, too.”

 


	4. It's A Thin Line Between Love and Hate - Epilogue & Notes

Jared was uncomfortable—he liked picking out his own clothes for publicity events, but Jensen insisted that he wear the suit he picked out to the _Supernatural_ premiere.

“I’ve seen you at your _Heroes_ publicity events—jeans, a pink shirt and a Texas belt buckle are not dress wear.”

Jared pouted and pulled at the cuffs of his suit. “Oh come on, you love my pink shirts.”

Jensen smiled and smoothed his hands over Jared’s shirt. “I do love the pink shirts, but not for tonight.”

Jared pouted for a moment longer and then a look of seriousness over took his face. “Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to, you know?”

Jensen fiddled with the buttons on Jared’s shirt and stepped up close to him, wrapping his arms around Jared’s waist. “I know we don’t have to do this, but I want to. We’ve talked about it and it’s just as much about me as it is about us. I’m so happy I got you back, Jared. I love you so much I want the world to know.”

Tugging Jensen in tighter, Jared squeezed Jensen to his chest. Jared’s heart beat wildly hearing Jensen’s words, and he was sure Jensen could feel it. It was everything he’d ever wanted to hear from Jensen and Jared was about to burst with happiness.

They stood like that until they heard the limo pull up outside Jared’s house. Checking his suit in the mirror one more time, Jared followed Jensen out the door.

The ride to the premiere was only thirty minutes, but Jared’s palms started to sweat. All of the sudden, he was feeling very nervous. Over the last two weeks since Jensen showed up on his doorstep, they’d been doing publicity events for _Supernatural_ and Jared hadn’t once felt nervous, but tonight—knowing what they were about to do—he couldn’t stop the anxiety from eating away at him.

Jensen must have sensed him panicking, because Jensen slid closer and closed a hand over his. “Stop freaking out, there’s nothing to be worried about. We’ve told our families and friends what we’re doing. We told Kripke and our agents. Hell, Ari practically exploded when I told him. He said half the buzz about the release of the movie was about the amazing chemistry we have on screen. He’s already planning on how to work the angle to get me my next role. We’re gonna be fine.”

Some of the tension relaxed out of Jared’s body and he smiled. “Hey, when did you become the calm and rational one? I’m supposed to be calming you down before you have a major meltdown.”

Jared watched as Jensen’s face lit up in amusement. “I just finally figured out what’s important and I’m not going to let anything get in my way of having it anymore. Now come here.”

Pulling Jared across his lap, Jensen kissed him—running his fingers through Jared’s soft hair and making Jared shiver in delight. They kissed until Jared pulled back, all traces of nervousness gone—his only thoughts on how as soon as they got home tonight Jared was going to pull Jensen’s perfectly put-together suit off of him piece by piece and ravish his body from head to toe.

The limo slowed to a stop in front of the theater. Jared could see the mass of photographers and interviewers all along the red carpet. It was time—now or never as they say. The driver lowered the partition between himself and the back seat. “Your handlers have radioed, they’re ready for you. You can exit the vehicle whenever you’re ready.

Jared turned and met Jensen’s gaze, he saw no fear, no trepidation—only love. He leaned in and took Jensen’s mouth in one last kiss. Separating, Jared leaned his forehead to Jensen’s. “You know I love you, right?”

Jensen’s eyes crinkled and the ring of green glinted. “I do, and I love you just as much.”

They hovered in that moment just between the two of them before Jared leaned over to tap against the tinted window. The valet outside opened the car door and Jared shifted across the seat to step out of the car.

He was blinded by the immediate burst of flashes and could barely distinguish one voice from another as all the paparazzi shouted for his attention. Looking down the red carpet, Jared could make out at various points Kripke and Jeff, and further down, Samantha, Jim and Fred. They were all watching, waiting for Jensen to appear by Jared’s side.

There was another explosion of flashes when Jensen slid out of the limo behind Jared. He waited for Jensen to step up next to him and then almost in slow motion they simultaneously reached to hold hands. With brilliant smiles on their faces, they started down the carpet together. The flashbulbs were constant—almost as if they were inside an amusement park ride. Every interviewer along the carpet was shouting, asking about Jared and Jensen obviously showing up as a couple. Finally, they reached the interviewer from E! and paused to speak with her.

It dawned on Jared that this was the same interviewer that had put Jensen on the spot at the Golden Globes. It was pretty ironic that she was the one that revealed the discord between the two of them to the world, and now she was going to be the first person to hear they were a couple.

The interviewer held her microphone toward them as she asked, “Do you have something to tell us tonight? Jared? Jensen? What are you saying by arriving together hand in hand?”

Jared looked at Jensen to see if he was going to answer first, however, even if Jared had wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to speak. His breath was trapped in his chest at the sight of Jensen, shining golden in the glow of the late afternoon sun wearing a look of pure happiness. Jared couldn’t have felt more loved when Jensen looked over at him, eyes locked with his. “Kristen, I’d like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Jared Padalecki. I think you’ve heard of him. We’re here tonight to see a pretty fantastic movie that we made together called _Supernatural_.”

The announcement was over in a heartbeat and every person along the carpet would have questions for them, but in that one moment Jared only had eyes for Jensen.

 

[ ](http://s131.photobucket.com/albums/p288/Sinoftheday/Headers/?action=view&current=supernaturalmovie.jpg)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author’s Note’s:** First, I’d like to thank [](http://lapdogdesign.livejournal.com/profile)[**lapdogdesign**](http://lapdogdesign.livejournal.com/) for her wonderful beta work. She did an excellent job and put up with all my nudging emails. I couldn't have written this without her.
> 
> I also have to thank [](http://causeways.livejournal.com/profile)[**causeways**](http://causeways.livejournal.com/) who had no idea what she was getting herself into when I asked for someone to read through the fic. She put in an awesome effort helping me tear apart this fic and rewrite a huge section of it only days before posting. I don't know what I would have done without her.
> 
> Lastly, I want to shower [](http://missyjack.livejournal.com/profile)[**missyjack**](http://missyjack.livejournal.com/) with praise for her gorgeous artwork. She did an amazing job and I couldn’t have asked for more. Go tell her how awesome her art is [here.](http://missyjack.livejournal.com/277163.html)
> 
> And of course a big thanks to [](http://wendy.livejournal.com/profile)[**wendy**](http://wendy.livejournal.com/) and [](http://audrarose.livejournal.com/profile)[**audrarose**](http://audrarose.livejournal.com/) for running [](http://spn-j2-bigbang.livejournal.com/profile)[**spn_j2_bigbang**](http://spn-j2-bigbang.livejournal.com/).


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